schedule
March 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I, personally, like this as a one-shot. To me, seeing how different author's get these two together is always more interesting than the aftermath ^_^ This story is sweet and to the point, and I don't really think it needs more added to it. However, if you did a continuation of this and made that into a story, it could be a interesting story all on its own.
That being said, I do have a few complaints about this story. First, there needs to be a space between paragraphs (even if you didn't upload it as an html, you can still copy and paste it with format pretty much intact). Without the spaces, everything gets a little cluttered and confusing. Also, you flow in and out of present and past tense throughout the beginning. The last thing, which is really just an editing problem, is watching punctuation and spelling. If you don't have the time to fix these things yourself, or just don't feel like it, I highly recommend a beta -they're a wonderful resource, don't be afraid to use them! I'd offer my own services, but I've got my hands full at the moment.
Despite the criticism (which is fully intended to be constructive, so please don't get angry with me!), I really do like this story. Normally, if a story isn't formatted, I won't read it. But something about the first few lines of this caught my attention and I just had read it. Overall, I think this is not bad for your first story posted. I'll keep an eye out for other stories you decide to share!
That being said, I do have a few complaints about this story. First, there needs to be a space between paragraphs (even if you didn't upload it as an html, you can still copy and paste it with format pretty much intact). Without the spaces, everything gets a little cluttered and confusing. Also, you flow in and out of present and past tense throughout the beginning. The last thing, which is really just an editing problem, is watching punctuation and spelling. If you don't have the time to fix these things yourself, or just don't feel like it, I highly recommend a beta -they're a wonderful resource, don't be afraid to use them! I'd offer my own services, but I've got my hands full at the moment.
Despite the criticism (which is fully intended to be constructive, so please don't get angry with me!), I really do like this story. Normally, if a story isn't formatted, I won't read it. But something about the first few lines of this caught my attention and I just had read it. Overall, I think this is not bad for your first story posted. I'll keep an eye out for other stories you decide to share!
schedule
March 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
That was great!! Please do an sequal for this story!! Maybe one about their wedding and their future to come? Thanks!
schedule
March 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
First, yes i would love the sequel of the wedding and the kids, second, I really really really love thus story please cont. to write the rest.
Laters (^ ^)
Laters (^ ^)
schedule
March 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I definitely want a sequel to this
schedule
March 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Yea! You bet..Do it Please!!!!
schedule
March 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
To answer your question... Yea, sure bring it on.