rate_review Reviews

You might want to reformat your story and try to post again. It's one giant paragraph and I didn't get past the first line because it all blurred making it too difficult to read.

Kat
weyrdkat@msn.com

that was really quite a sweet little fic. ^_^ very cool.

Awwwww! Cute ending! We totally love you too, Nellichan!!!!!!!!!! Great story!!!

~Sho-Chan~

This is nellichan's friend. No, this story is not finished yet! She just moved and she's getting internet on Monday so she can update and appease all of her adoring fans. I read the rest of the story and it's reaaaaally good so you better stop back and check out the rest! You WON'T be disappointed! Satisfaction guaranteed, or your money back! 'nite.

*DIES AGAIN* BAD! BAD YOU! *hits you with rolled up newspaper* Lol, j/k! I LOVE this story so much! Definitely one of my faves!!!!

whoot! Very nice 1st story. I'm enjoying it totally~ Can't wait for more :)

Oh you are cruel to leave us there!
So close, yet so far....

Something I noticed, you went from him kissing her neck to cunnilingus without any
warning, so it took me a moment to figure out if he was at her nipples or further down.
Might want to clear that up, show him working his way down her body....slowly....LOL.

Moving, hmmm? Hope it's quick and painless, and you come back to this soon.
I'd love to read more of your work!

Nice chapter, the pre-lemon teasing.
You're on the ball, having this all ready to
go! Will be happily looking for the rest.

Do you have your next story lined up?
Ideas? Partly written?
Because you know, after this, you have to
keep writing, right! We demand it, we must
have more.

Hope you're having a great weekend!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! CLIFFIE!!!!!!!!!!

*Goes into cardiac arrest*

Sho-Chan's mom: "Dear! She's reading pervy stories and one has killed her!"
Sho-Chan's dad: "Honey, she's just gone into shock."

*Medics rush in*

"CLEAR!"

*Shocks sho-chan*

"CLEAR!"

*Shocks again*

"ORDER ME A PIZZA!"

*Orders pizza*

"CLEAR!"

*Is brought back to life* HURRAY!!!!!!!!!! Lol, loved the story as USUAL! Damn those cliffies!

"CLEAR!"

*Gets shocked again*

"HEY!!!!!"

"Sorry..."

*Medics leave...with pizza*

If you don't want me to be shocked again, please post! Lol, much love!!!!!

You're doing a great job with this!
Good characterization, excellent pacing.

Glad you didn't have them rush into the
lemon. A long, slow buildup is best, and
much more realistic, esp the first time.

Good to show them both as nervous, and
slightly hesitant. Very true to life there,
for first-timers. Again, great job!