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August 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story, you've got a really good idea here and I can't wait to see where you take this. I love stories that have Kagome having a very motherly relationship with Shippo and to just see where Kagome and Sessh go from here ^_^
However, I really think you'd benefit from a beta reader. I was a little confused at times with some of your wording. Like here:
Kagome turned her hard blue, gray and green eyes on Sango...
It took me a moment [not long at all to be honest about it] to realize what you were trying to describe but the wording is very awkward. I think if you even just had a friend or someone take a look at your chapters before posting them it would make the wording flow a bit better.
Otherwise keep up the good work!
However, I really think you'd benefit from a beta reader. I was a little confused at times with some of your wording. Like here:
Kagome turned her hard blue, gray and green eyes on Sango...
It took me a moment [not long at all to be honest about it] to realize what you were trying to describe but the wording is very awkward. I think if you even just had a friend or someone take a look at your chapters before posting them it would make the wording flow a bit better.
Otherwise keep up the good work!