schedule
August 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh my gosh I luved this story. I wish u could continue it but alas it was a one shot. Well good job on it.
schedule
August 20, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Well, it's rape. If that was what you were going for. Denying control over one's own body, FORCING sexual intercourse between two people who at this point haven't even had a real conversation. I wish you'd labeled it as mind-control or rape (same thing, really), and I would've avoided it. I like SessKag when there's some actual development. When I'm not mostly certain that Sesshoumaru would kill her in the morning, for daring to touch him, for causing him to lose control. I'm also fairly certain that Kagome would experience some serious emotional fallout, probably similar to actual rape victims. Sesshoumaru was raped, Kagome was raped. You took away their will and self control. Dictionary.com definitions of rape include "any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person" and "to force to have sexual intercourse."
Mind control isn't a good plot device, even for a PWP fic. In fact, your fic was part of the inspiration for my most recent fanficrant, over at http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/5288169.html. Your grammar was good. I'd recommend a beta, but that's because every author can use a beta, and you had a few awkward commas. There's potential, I won't deny that. But I didn't want to read a rapefic. When you said "multi-part" and "neither could resist," I assumed that, through increased exposure to one another, an attraction developed that they eventually indulged in despite his racism and her loyalty to the Inu-tachi and her own time. I blame myself for that, but.
Mind control isn't a good plot device, even for a PWP fic. In fact, your fic was part of the inspiration for my most recent fanficrant, over at http://community.livejournal.com/fanficrants/5288169.html. Your grammar was good. I'd recommend a beta, but that's because every author can use a beta, and you had a few awkward commas. There's potential, I won't deny that. But I didn't want to read a rapefic. When you said "multi-part" and "neither could resist," I assumed that, through increased exposure to one another, an attraction developed that they eventually indulged in despite his racism and her loyalty to the Inu-tachi and her own time. I blame myself for that, but.
schedule
August 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I must admit, you seem to have lemons down imo...lol So, this is going to be a multipart thing? *anxiously waiting next part* :D
schedule
August 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Please continue this story!!!!!!!!
schedule
August 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
wow, I liked it, really good, I love this pairing!
schedule
August 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow. I hope the next installment of this comes out soon. Take care.
schedule
August 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
yuuuummmy! your lemon-writing skills seem to be just fine to me! can't wait for an update!
schedule
August 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
girl, i don't know that you NEED more practice. that was pretty darned good!