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March 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
WOW! This has got to be the best fic I've read about this pairing! Your writing is flawless, and the storyline captivating. Please, hurry with the next chapter!!! I can't wait to see how Naraku gets his ass kicked! And, thankyou for a wonderful reading experience..this is at the top of my favorites list.
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March 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Second attempt:
I like this story so far. The overall idea is kind of cute. I really want to see where you're going to take this. I'm rooting for the dirt road. The well-worn path is so... boring; not to mention severely overused. I just have a couple of questions and suggestions. First would be Sesshomaru's reaction to Kagome. Is this supposed to be a sudden occurrence? Because you said in the first chapter that his 'inner beast'/subconscious had been acting up (for lack of a better expression). It just seems like such a violent reaction to be so recent. My other question was in regards to the manner in which Kagome addresses Sesshomaru. Is there a reason you have Kagome act so disrespectfully towards Sesshomaru, but then have her turn around and (in both her thoughts and aloud) address him as 'Lord Sesshomaru' and 'Sesshomaru-sama'? I might be reading too much into this, but I though Kagome was being a little sarcastic... *shrugs*
My suggestions... Well, my suggestion (as it's only one thing), would be to get a beta to seriously proof read your story. I've only read up to the end of the second chapter, but there are a lot of grammatical, punctuation, word order and word usage errors scattered throughout. Particularly the overuse/misuse of the pause and a thesaurus(?) (i.e. in this chapter you said, "She could hear breakfast being prepared this morning by Inuyasha – a novelty, Sango lecturing the Houshi Miroku on some lecherous infraction - imagined or otherwise, and Shippo and Rin demanding the return something or other from Inuyasha who kept ignoring them, answering with barely a grunt." A smoother way of saying the same thing could be, "Kagome could hear Inuyasha preparing breakfast - a rarity. Sango was nearby, lecturing Miroku on another one of his lecherous episodes (be they imagined or otherwise), while Shippo and Rin demanded the return of something or other from an indifferent Inuyasha"). Again, it's just my two cents.
In any case~ Overall, I do like this story. So, I guess I'll keep reading. Ja mata!
I like this story so far. The overall idea is kind of cute. I really want to see where you're going to take this. I'm rooting for the dirt road. The well-worn path is so... boring; not to mention severely overused. I just have a couple of questions and suggestions. First would be Sesshomaru's reaction to Kagome. Is this supposed to be a sudden occurrence? Because you said in the first chapter that his 'inner beast'/subconscious had been acting up (for lack of a better expression). It just seems like such a violent reaction to be so recent. My other question was in regards to the manner in which Kagome addresses Sesshomaru. Is there a reason you have Kagome act so disrespectfully towards Sesshomaru, but then have her turn around and (in both her thoughts and aloud) address him as 'Lord Sesshomaru' and 'Sesshomaru-sama'? I might be reading too much into this, but I though Kagome was being a little sarcastic... *shrugs*
My suggestions... Well, my suggestion (as it's only one thing), would be to get a beta to seriously proof read your story. I've only read up to the end of the second chapter, but there are a lot of grammatical, punctuation, word order and word usage errors scattered throughout. Particularly the overuse/misuse of the pause and a thesaurus(?) (i.e. in this chapter you said, "She could hear breakfast being prepared this morning by Inuyasha – a novelty, Sango lecturing the Houshi Miroku on some lecherous infraction - imagined or otherwise, and Shippo and Rin demanding the return something or other from Inuyasha who kept ignoring them, answering with barely a grunt." A smoother way of saying the same thing could be, "Kagome could hear Inuyasha preparing breakfast - a rarity. Sango was nearby, lecturing Miroku on another one of his lecherous episodes (be they imagined or otherwise), while Shippo and Rin demanded the return of something or other from an indifferent Inuyasha"). Again, it's just my two cents.
In any case~ Overall, I do like this story. So, I guess I'll keep reading. Ja mata!
schedule
February 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
This fic is so awesome! With every update I start it all over. It is just awesome! Hey, do you do any Naruto fics? If so, please let me know. Again, I can't say enough about your writing. Keep up the good work and update soonest!!!
schedule
February 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Absolutly Love This Story!!!!!! Please update soon I am so excited to see where it goes! Keep it up! ^,^
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January 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I have spent the last three days reading this up to chapter 16 and I loath you for it. For now I am so caught up with reading this until I get to your last posted chapter, my stories are being neglected badly. I try to write a chapter but then I come back to your story because I want to know what happens next.
With that said; from now until I am to the last posted chapter of this awesome piece of work, I will tell all those that ride my butt about getting out a new chapter for an unfinished story that it is your fault I haven't posted anything.
Good work. Keva
With that said; from now until I am to the last posted chapter of this awesome piece of work, I will tell all those that ride my butt about getting out a new chapter for an unfinished story that it is your fault I haven't posted anything.
Good work. Keva
schedule
December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Where have all the cowboys gone- er, I mean the updates? Is it just busy, busy, busy with the holidays? Leaving us for so long with a cliffie is eeeeeeeeviiiil! I demand satisfaction! :P
Your work is continues to be excellent, although I find myself having to reread the last couple chapters every update because i keep forgetting what is going on. the plot is like a roller coaster ride, whee!
Your work is continues to be excellent, although I find myself having to reread the last couple chapters every update because i keep forgetting what is going on. the plot is like a roller coaster ride, whee!
schedule
December 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Wow!!! That was really HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! jeez I may need to take a break.
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November 21, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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November 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
loved it!
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October 29, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey! Fucking awsome so far! I can't wait to read more.