rate_review Reviews

I really great story keep it up and please update soon!

this is a test pay no mind to this
-sweet kagome

love it, neeeeeed more. i really wanna know what's gonna happen next xxxxxxxxxxxx

okay. here we go, now before i start in i want to say that i don't intend to be as mean and napreciatiave of this as i will likely sound. i just finished reading the seventh chapter and i fint this very dificult to read. i think you have a great story, great ideas, and a great direction for this peice. that having been said, it has been poorly executed. granted i still have four more chapters to read. now. instead of just bashing it and leaving it as that, i do have some advice. the story moves way to quickly in way to few words. longer chapters, though harder and more time consuming to write will capture readers attention more. also having longer chapters helps ballence out the story's fast movement. also spell check is your friend. use it. i'm as guilty of you at not checking stuff, but still good advise for anyone. anyways. i guess what i'm trying to say is that you might want to try extending to chapters to twice, maybe even three times their length, but keep the story moving at the same chapter by chapter pace. what to do with the extra space within the longer chapters? elaborate much. details are great during the regular scenes, and i'd venture asfar as to say that they are necessary in a good sex scene. like i said before, you've got a great concept here, albeit a bit generic, it's well planned out. just give the stuff i said a try and see if it works for you. i'll keep reading to see.

oh, and there's one other thing. the text spreads out a lot. i end up having to scroll sideways a bunch to read individual lines. i dunno if that's you or AFF or what, but i thought i'd point it out. if fixin it is in your hands itmight not be a bad idea. anyways. i'll keep reading.
- GuardianFang
m

YAY! There about to do the Nassssssty!!!LOL! please update.