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August 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i glad you got all that of your chest. now you can work on this for us that like it.
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August 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
GREAT story- please, please, please keep writing! Possibly one of the best Inuyasha fics I've read... I love it.
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August 1, 2008 at 12:00 AM
oh... and i like your oc's ^_^ they make the story far more interesting, and naturally more original. i guess there's a lot of sesshomaru/inuyasha stories out there, and you've successfully made your story stick out with GOOD, well-developed original characters that actually enrich your story.
so yeah. as i have said.. keep reading- i'll give you kisses and cookies for the next chapter you write!
so yeah. as i have said.. keep reading- i'll give you kisses and cookies for the next chapter you write!
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June 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I have to say, I haven't been this compelled to write something close to a flame in a good while. Take a bow. You deserve it.
I'll begin by saying this:
If I were a Kagome fan, I'd want to punch you in the face. Seriously.
All of your characters are horribly OoC, mind you. To the point where it actually messes up the storyline as a whole, because certain instances are actually ruined because of this.
And even though she's actually my least favorite character in the series, I was rather...shocked...to see how poorly you portrayed her in this story. I can understand where you where *trying* to go but honestly, it's downright insulting and I have to wonder if this happened because you despise the character, really need to work on your characterization skills when writing, or both. I understand that there are many instances where Kagome isn't likeable (I to this day, still hate the episode where Koga thought Inuyasha killed his clan because her actions and reactions after the fact made me hate her.) but you took her negative aspect and went completely crazy with it, to the point where, dare I say, that's NOT Kagome. As a matter of fact, seeing how you portrayed a lot of characters, other than making excuses for your OC's, I have to wonder if you saw much of Inuyasha or read the manga to begin with, because the characters are just written so awfully.
You also need to get your 'speed' correct. Apart from this story being ridiculous based on the way you portray the characters, some of the events happened to quickly, that made the entire scenario unbelievable. Just as the first part of your story: Inuyasha and Sessy's relationship, given their actual back history and relationship thus far, made NO sense. If anything, you should have built it up, so that the 'love' from either side would be more warranted and believable, instead of trying to rush to get to the sex scene. That's fine and dandy in a PWP story but sense you were actually trying to give a legitimate tale, it ruined the experience. Or you could have even had it start out like lust and then gradually turn into something more substantial.
Then some of your scene literally, made no sense. For example: the part where Kagome seems as though she'd 'turned evil' after her odd dream. (After she'd spoken with Naraku.) If she actually WAS brainwashed during that point, then that honestly one of the lamest ways I've ever seen that happen. It was far too obvious and so much so that any and all characters should have known better--though since you went out of your way to make her an unbelievable (literally) bitch, who the hell, reader or others, should COULD know the difference. You practically HAD to do it in that lame way because honestly, no one would be able to tell the difference.
And yes: we get it. You love your OC's and desperately think and believe that they should be part of the Inuyasha universe. So do you and EVERY OTHER FANFICTION WRITER that must include an OC and believe, (naively by trying to make them 'likable' and more so than existing characters, usually resulting in said existing characters acting, you guessed it! out of character but in the negative sense...) but goodness! Stop shoving OC's during parts where they're not needed, solely because you love them so. They're NOT part of the actual universe and it's not like you give enough backstory or they're that interesting (they're actually quite common and unoriginal) to make anyone give a damn to begin with. Unlike you, we don't actually KNOW your OC so stop writing them in like they've always been a part of the universe: you can't even get the CANON characters right. And stop forcing them into chapters and/or scenes when they're not needed or the story could do just as well WITHOUT them. And stop wasting time dedicating unneeded scenes to them to once again, shove them down people's throat. You need to learn how to actually write the ACTUAL EXISTING characters properly, THEN worry about original characters. You gotta crawl before you can walk...
You need to learn how to add ALL of the proper sub categories, such as OC, OoC, Bashing, ect., because I was mislead into actually thinking this was a GOOD story. You make such amateur mistakes that hold down a great concept, had it been in capable hands...it's honestly sad.
I'll begin by saying this:
If I were a Kagome fan, I'd want to punch you in the face. Seriously.
All of your characters are horribly OoC, mind you. To the point where it actually messes up the storyline as a whole, because certain instances are actually ruined because of this.
And even though she's actually my least favorite character in the series, I was rather...shocked...to see how poorly you portrayed her in this story. I can understand where you where *trying* to go but honestly, it's downright insulting and I have to wonder if this happened because you despise the character, really need to work on your characterization skills when writing, or both. I understand that there are many instances where Kagome isn't likeable (I to this day, still hate the episode where Koga thought Inuyasha killed his clan because her actions and reactions after the fact made me hate her.) but you took her negative aspect and went completely crazy with it, to the point where, dare I say, that's NOT Kagome. As a matter of fact, seeing how you portrayed a lot of characters, other than making excuses for your OC's, I have to wonder if you saw much of Inuyasha or read the manga to begin with, because the characters are just written so awfully.
You also need to get your 'speed' correct. Apart from this story being ridiculous based on the way you portray the characters, some of the events happened to quickly, that made the entire scenario unbelievable. Just as the first part of your story: Inuyasha and Sessy's relationship, given their actual back history and relationship thus far, made NO sense. If anything, you should have built it up, so that the 'love' from either side would be more warranted and believable, instead of trying to rush to get to the sex scene. That's fine and dandy in a PWP story but sense you were actually trying to give a legitimate tale, it ruined the experience. Or you could have even had it start out like lust and then gradually turn into something more substantial.
Then some of your scene literally, made no sense. For example: the part where Kagome seems as though she'd 'turned evil' after her odd dream. (After she'd spoken with Naraku.) If she actually WAS brainwashed during that point, then that honestly one of the lamest ways I've ever seen that happen. It was far too obvious and so much so that any and all characters should have known better--though since you went out of your way to make her an unbelievable (literally) bitch, who the hell, reader or others, should COULD know the difference. You practically HAD to do it in that lame way because honestly, no one would be able to tell the difference.
And yes: we get it. You love your OC's and desperately think and believe that they should be part of the Inuyasha universe. So do you and EVERY OTHER FANFICTION WRITER that must include an OC and believe, (naively by trying to make them 'likable' and more so than existing characters, usually resulting in said existing characters acting, you guessed it! out of character but in the negative sense...) but goodness! Stop shoving OC's during parts where they're not needed, solely because you love them so. They're NOT part of the actual universe and it's not like you give enough backstory or they're that interesting (they're actually quite common and unoriginal) to make anyone give a damn to begin with. Unlike you, we don't actually KNOW your OC so stop writing them in like they've always been a part of the universe: you can't even get the CANON characters right. And stop forcing them into chapters and/or scenes when they're not needed or the story could do just as well WITHOUT them. And stop wasting time dedicating unneeded scenes to them to once again, shove them down people's throat. You need to learn how to actually write the ACTUAL EXISTING characters properly, THEN worry about original characters. You gotta crawl before you can walk...
You need to learn how to add ALL of the proper sub categories, such as OC, OoC, Bashing, ect., because I was mislead into actually thinking this was a GOOD story. You make such amateur mistakes that hold down a great concept, had it been in capable hands...it's honestly sad.
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June 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
AH!! sango's coming back YAY! anyways as always im waiting for the next so update as soon as your feeling up to it hun
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June 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Rysh and i would send you a fruit basket with lots of good stuff if we could to help you feel better... thanks for the update we hope to see more soon (offering you armor and a kendo sword to fend off the others) keep your chin up
Affie and Rysha
Affie and Rysha
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June 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter! I'm not threatening you! Think of it as creative inspiriation! Looking forward to reading the rest of this when you post it. B reading U!
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June 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
keep them coming.
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June 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hey! Where the hell are you, damnit?!?! Get off you ass and update, or I'll put a dead cow in your bed! ^o~
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May 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Great addon to Kagura. Although, I did get a little weepy about Kohaku. You're mean! But, I really enjoy the interaction with Chisato and Sesshomaru, I guess it's the mother in me. Damn post partum! I'm not depressed, it's just that everything make me cry these days! Great job, B reading U!