rate_review Reviews

I like what you have going on idea-wise with the story (I mean who wouldn't want Sesshomaru over a two-timing Inuyasha), but your 'grammar' could use a little work. There are some missed punctuations, commas needed or in the wrong space, and improper separation of quotes from the sentence describing who and how they are speaking.

Example:
"How could you miss his puppy ears?"

She asked her friend.

Well, it's not exact because I couldn't remember word-for-word, but you get the idea. I know sometimes certain programs separate the sentences when you upload it, so it may not be your fault at all. If you are doing that yourself, in my opinion, the story would flow better if they were not separate. Please don't take this as a flame. I really like the story, and I'm only offering an opinion to help your story be more technically sound. So, please continue and update when you can.
(P.S. I'm a 25 year-old virgin [and proud of it] and fellow fanfiction author, so I totally get what you're saying about writing sex.)

I was surprised to see another chapter, but this is a good set-up for more! Can't wait for the confrontation with Inuyasha! Eri? Woo hoo! Inuyasha's SO stupid!! And Kagome got the worthwhile brother.

Hey it's cool that your writing about sex and your a virgin... I am too and I write about it so it's not that bad... lol. Any ways I like your story and I hope you update soon.

pleae keep it coming!i love like to now what inuyasa thing when he finds uot baut them!!!!!!!!

I like it! Funny, but as I was reading it, I was thinking how cool it would be if she had meant for it be Inuyasha she was inviting to the hotel, and then it turned out to be Sesshoumaru. I love it when someone writes it the way I like it!