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December 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is diffrent, but in a good way. I've never seen Naraku shown in this light, its refreashing and enjoyable. Good luck in all your writing.
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December 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
AH!! I cant wait I love this fic. Please update.
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December 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Sorry I put the wrong email the first time
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December 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Uh...does the phrase "freaking brilliant" do this story any justice?
I beg and plead, continue!
I beg and plead, continue!
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December 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Someone else brought up the point of the general who ransacked Onigumo's village. It's true that he'd be ancient if he was human. Do you intend to make him Youkai? Do you intend to make him anyone we know? That would be an interesting twist. Of course, he could just be an OC, and with your amazing writing, I'm sure it would be just as thrilling.
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November 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow. This is a great opening chapter. I love your take on Naraku and Onigumo's origins - it's very original. I like how giving in to Onigumo's memories gives Naraku more reason to go after the sacred jewel.
I particularly like that paragraph where Naraku thinks about Kagura and Kanna. By saying that he doesn't really like to hurt women you imply that in future interactions with Kagome he will not physically hurt her, or if he does he will not like doing it. You've already got me wondering how such an interaction would play out - guilt and regret from him if he does hurt her, or confusion and wonder from her if he doesn't. The possibilities are endless. And you manage to keep him in character as the heartless bastard we know and love when you say that he doesn't think of Kagura and Kanna, who many in the fandom consider his own children, as real women and so doesn't really care weather he hurts them or not.
Ah, poor Narku. He thinks that he is going to kill Kagome's ability to love, but some how I think that it will be her teaching him how to love.
My only concern with this chapter is the General Onigumo hates so much. Onigumo was a child when he met the General, and he was an adult when he became Naraku. Fifty years have passed from that time to when your story takes place. The general would likely not still be alive, and if he was he would have to be around 90 or 100. It just doesn't seem plausible that Narku would expect to be able to exact his revenge at such a late date. I only bring this up because your story seems so much better written than a lot of the other simple yet entertaining fluff that's out there. Such inconsistencies in well written fics have a tendancy to throw readers off, especially if it's a major plot point like it is here.
But whatever. You did say that this was an AR, and you're the author and I'm an idiot who tends to over think simple things. All in all, this is a great start to what looks to be a quality fic and there arn't enough quality Nar/Kag fics out there. So, keep up the good work!
-KariLeanne
P.S. Did I read that right? You're thinking about writing a Bankotsue fic? Please, PLEASE write it! How such an evil hottie could be so under represented in this fandom is beyond me.
I particularly like that paragraph where Naraku thinks about Kagura and Kanna. By saying that he doesn't really like to hurt women you imply that in future interactions with Kagome he will not physically hurt her, or if he does he will not like doing it. You've already got me wondering how such an interaction would play out - guilt and regret from him if he does hurt her, or confusion and wonder from her if he doesn't. The possibilities are endless. And you manage to keep him in character as the heartless bastard we know and love when you say that he doesn't think of Kagura and Kanna, who many in the fandom consider his own children, as real women and so doesn't really care weather he hurts them or not.
Ah, poor Narku. He thinks that he is going to kill Kagome's ability to love, but some how I think that it will be her teaching him how to love.
My only concern with this chapter is the General Onigumo hates so much. Onigumo was a child when he met the General, and he was an adult when he became Naraku. Fifty years have passed from that time to when your story takes place. The general would likely not still be alive, and if he was he would have to be around 90 or 100. It just doesn't seem plausible that Narku would expect to be able to exact his revenge at such a late date. I only bring this up because your story seems so much better written than a lot of the other simple yet entertaining fluff that's out there. Such inconsistencies in well written fics have a tendancy to throw readers off, especially if it's a major plot point like it is here.
But whatever. You did say that this was an AR, and you're the author and I'm an idiot who tends to over think simple things. All in all, this is a great start to what looks to be a quality fic and there arn't enough quality Nar/Kag fics out there. So, keep up the good work!
-KariLeanne
P.S. Did I read that right? You're thinking about writing a Bankotsue fic? Please, PLEASE write it! How such an evil hottie could be so under represented in this fandom is beyond me.
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November 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Interesting. It's been a while since I've read a good Naraku and Kagome story, so I do hope you continue with it. Until next time. Ja.
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November 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh, I'm so happpy, another Nar/Kag fic!!! There should be more of them!!! In fact, I think Naraku and kagome are mean to be together. One is dark, one is light; one is evil, one is pure; one full of despair, one full of hope. They're completely opposite to each other, yet they're a perfecr match in so many ways. I love Sesshomaru, but I'm tired of putting Kagome with him, there're already a bunch of them and I can't seems to make myself passionate for it anymore.
Naraku is a twisted litte devil(that's why I'm dying for him, guess I'm twisted, too), no matter what reasons he may have, the mistakes he made will never be forget and they are gonna continue hurt those who are involved. He's destined to be alone, but only as innocent and forgiven as Kagome can save him, or follow him to hell.
Plus, I think the backgrounds Naraku and kagome are similar. Akthough Naraku has cast Onigumo's heart away, his existence will always be reminded of Onigumo, without him, there will be no Naraku whatsoever. No matter how Naraku hate him, Onigumo will always be there like a shadow. Same the relationship with Kagome and Kikyo.
Naraku is a twisted litte devil(that's why I'm dying for him, guess I'm twisted, too), no matter what reasons he may have, the mistakes he made will never be forget and they are gonna continue hurt those who are involved. He's destined to be alone, but only as innocent and forgiven as Kagome can save him, or follow him to hell.
Plus, I think the backgrounds Naraku and kagome are similar. Akthough Naraku has cast Onigumo's heart away, his existence will always be reminded of Onigumo, without him, there will be no Naraku whatsoever. No matter how Naraku hate him, Onigumo will always be there like a shadow. Same the relationship with Kagome and Kikyo.
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November 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That was excellent please hurry and update
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November 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
A cleverly unique turn on Naraku and Onigumo. This general that attacked his village was youkai then? Otherwise he probably wouldn't be alive still it had been at least 50 years (with the whole Kikyo and Inuyasha thing). Hm...Very interesting, I can't wait to see where you go with this, your an excellent writer and I'm sure you'll do this pairing justice. BTW I don't think the spacing came out right when you put No one, it came out Noone. And when you put Saki, did you mean Sake? ^_^ I make plenty of mistakes in my stories, just thought I'd point it out, this story really has me thinking, and wondering. Anyway, keep up the excellent work! I loved it!
~Kage
~Kage