errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
January 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Such a great story , I hope you continue on with it.
schedule
November 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This is a really good fic...and I hope you update again soon...its almost been a year! :( I want to know what happens next!
schedule
April 15, 2007 at 12:00 AM
very interesting story so far. i've really enjoyed reading it so far. please update again when u get the chance
schedule
March 2, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Really like this so far!!!
Keep up the awesome work
Deb
Keep up the awesome work
Deb
schedule
January 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
O,O wooooo I love your story! its a great crossover with a great story line but still very erotic. your a great writer and I hope you finish it.
schedule
January 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This story is amazing!! Please update!
schedule
December 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
luv it!!! creepy... is the killer after kagome? and wut does the killer want with the girl's organs ugg update soon
schedule
December 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow!! Awesome chapter! Loved every minute of it! I don't know who's worse -- Kurama or Kagome. Love that they're such a fun couple! (Backseat of the car while parents are coming? Are they 16?) ;) Great little mystery going on, too. Can't wait to find out more of what that's all about. I really can't wait for your next chapter!! This was an awesome Christmas gift!
schedule
December 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I'm still of the opinion those two are insatiable. It wouldn't surprise me if he convinces her to allow someone to watch them one of these days lol Good chapter, can't wait to read more. Update soon please.
schedule
December 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
"The motion of her hand continued as hot fluid gushed out of the tip. The hot cum landed on her cheek and lips as the shaft jerked. The hand loosened in her hair as she lifted her head. A finger ran along her cheek wiping the essence off."
Read this section carefully and closely. You'll notice, if you step back for a moment, that from the looks of this passage, there are no actual people involved in this scene -- just isolated body parts and fluids, floating about and haphazardly hooking up in odd combinations. Now, go back and re-read the rest of the lemons in this fic (and, to be perfectly honest, many of your other fics too,) and you'll notice the exact same thing, far too many instances for me to pick out here. This disconcerting problem is easily remedied with the use of possessive nouns and pronouns - "Kagome's," "Kurama's," "her," "his." Please do.
And also, if I may, you have a (not uncommon) tendency to overuse passive voice. "A sound was heard," "A pen was dropped," that sort of thing. Passive voice is confusing and vague; the subject is being acted upon, and not acting. Try instead to switch around your sentences and use a stronger verb: "Kagome heard," "He dropped," etc.
Read this section carefully and closely. You'll notice, if you step back for a moment, that from the looks of this passage, there are no actual people involved in this scene -- just isolated body parts and fluids, floating about and haphazardly hooking up in odd combinations. Now, go back and re-read the rest of the lemons in this fic (and, to be perfectly honest, many of your other fics too,) and you'll notice the exact same thing, far too many instances for me to pick out here. This disconcerting problem is easily remedied with the use of possessive nouns and pronouns - "Kagome's," "Kurama's," "her," "his." Please do.
And also, if I may, you have a (not uncommon) tendency to overuse passive voice. "A sound was heard," "A pen was dropped," that sort of thing. Passive voice is confusing and vague; the subject is being acted upon, and not acting. Try instead to switch around your sentences and use a stronger verb: "Kagome heard," "He dropped," etc.