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schedule
August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really loved the storie an dI might add a chapter of my own but just a nother day and who ever says it sucks go to hell because shes a good artest and writer so there.
Keep it up.
Keep it up.
schedule
August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hi you might want to add lines between dialouge when different people speak. and use " for talking and ' for personal thougts of the charactor
schedule
August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
okay, I have a few suggestions...
first, you might want to relook the point of view that you are using,
you seem to combine and that just gets confusing. I am going to try my best
to control my tongue, and not make this a flame.. only a suggestion...
as a fellow writer.
so continuing on... spacing is a big issue, you need to format this better, try using spacing to seperate dialogue from different speakers. Make it clearer who is speaking by doing this and perhaps checking up on your spelling and word usage. another thing is that, your chapter being as short as it is... does nothing to really catch a readers full attentions to want to come back and read more, and sadly it starts in what you write as a summary. IF you had mostly all correct spelling within the summary then perhaps more hits on your story would come your way. comments as well. you don't want comments from people who are ignorant... you want comments that are helpful from people who actually understand the writing and the words that you use. A big clumped up paragraph as a chapter does nothing to enthrall or exude any excitment from me .... The whole theme that you are TRYING to do, is sadly very redundant and over done. Everyone does, kagome sees inu with kikyo and runs off.. type it into the search for summaries and you will get like fucking 100 stories with the same plotline. truth be told there needs to be MORE of a plot here, the first chapter and the summary are what pull your reader in and make them itch for more... try changing this a bit more, and you will be PLEASANTLY surprised with the change in readers that you get.
^_^
spacing and editing are your friends.
first, you might want to relook the point of view that you are using,
you seem to combine and that just gets confusing. I am going to try my best
to control my tongue, and not make this a flame.. only a suggestion...
as a fellow writer.
so continuing on... spacing is a big issue, you need to format this better, try using spacing to seperate dialogue from different speakers. Make it clearer who is speaking by doing this and perhaps checking up on your spelling and word usage. another thing is that, your chapter being as short as it is... does nothing to really catch a readers full attentions to want to come back and read more, and sadly it starts in what you write as a summary. IF you had mostly all correct spelling within the summary then perhaps more hits on your story would come your way. comments as well. you don't want comments from people who are ignorant... you want comments that are helpful from people who actually understand the writing and the words that you use. A big clumped up paragraph as a chapter does nothing to enthrall or exude any excitment from me .... The whole theme that you are TRYING to do, is sadly very redundant and over done. Everyone does, kagome sees inu with kikyo and runs off.. type it into the search for summaries and you will get like fucking 100 stories with the same plotline. truth be told there needs to be MORE of a plot here, the first chapter and the summary are what pull your reader in and make them itch for more... try changing this a bit more, and you will be PLEASANTLY surprised with the change in readers that you get.
^_^
spacing and editing are your friends.
schedule
August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
btw.. I am that ANON... for some reason my damn computer didn't show that i WAS signed in when i posted that... you should read some of my stories....
And heed the advice that i presented in my long ass comment above.
And heed the advice that i presented in my long ass comment above.