rate_review Reviews

Okay I have been reading fanfiction for over five years and this is my first review. Chapter six actually made me cry because of what shippou said. My father was four when his 7 year old sister died. He remember her funeral and seeing her laying in the casket. My father asked his mom, "Mom why did you leave Johanna back there? Come on lets go get Johanna." And his mom replied, "We can't go get her, she is with God now." The funeral scene reminded me of that and I thought you wrote it beautifully.

A very beautiful story! Brought tears to my eyes several times. You had a really good story to tell, but it saddened me a little that the spelling was so bad. You should have a beta, or if you already have one, you should probably get a better one. This part made me almost choke; "...his menstruations along her neck..." I assume the word you were looking for was "ministrations".
Maybe you don't speak English as your first language (I'm from Sweden myself), and that's understandable of course. Not everyone can spell. :) That's why we use betas.
Please continue writing good fanfics. You've got talent! :)

Wow... this took me two weeks to read. I'd get heartbroken and have to stop and then come back. Then I'd get pissed and have to stop and come back. I must say this was one of the greatest things I have ever read. You timed it perfectly and you did the right thing with Kagome and Rin's grave. I loved every minute. Fantastic work and I hope you decide to do something else in this vein soon.

Thank you for a wonderful story

Holly S

I'm sad to see it end. Good job! I really liked this story!

The email is noacat75@yahoo.com. And I'm gonna add again, I love this story. I really do.

that was so awesome you totally rock..

I really enjoyed this romantic get together of theirs. Well I can't wait until the next chapter, thank you.

this is really good, very sweet. sometimes people can be such jerks! we don't always think about what comes out of our mouths, things that can linger in someone's head and cause them all kinds of pain. good work.

Love this chapter.

Love it.

One piece of advice...when describing a romantic scene NEVER...EVER...use the word orifice. If you're writing a down and dirty sex scene with extra smut...orifice fits in there really well. Also works for non-consentual. But for a died in the wool romance scene? Totally ruins the mood and pulls the reader right out of any involvement they might have had in the scene. Here's an alternate way to write the scene:

A cool fall gust of air blew around them, their hair molding together as Sesshoumaru’s tongue slipped between his lips to seek Kagome’s mouth. A soft whimper escaped her lips as she readily accepted Sesshoumaru’s advances. His tongue ran gently along her teeth and soothingly caressing her tongue as if he were trying to memorize her heavenly taste. Another breeze came from another direction, sending the autumn colored leaves to dance around the couple as their loving kiss continued on.

Now, I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong. After all, this is YOUR story. I'm just giving you a bit of concrit and showing you a way to improve your piece, which is good and could be even better. In any event, good luck with the rest of the story. I will be reading. If you ever want to get advice or just shoot the shit, maybe even bitch me out for this review, give me an email. I don't mind in the least!

See ya in the funny pages!

Ciao

Noa

awwww that was way way to sweet tht was amzionly good KEEP GOING!!