rate_review Reviews

I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?

please update soon

Do u ever plan on finishing this T__T i really liked it...then u stoped...

so where's the rest?

OMG! OMG! OMG!...my idea is comming to life ~does happy dance~ i am so glad u took this on, i cant wait to see where it goes, that first chappy wat GREAT! keep them comming

You have serious grammar issues. You are writing dialogue incorrectly.

A new paragraph should be started when:
--a different person speaks
--a different person reacts or thinks about something someone just said
--a new action or reaction occurs, especially if more than one character is involved
--the point of view changes (even if the narration is still in third person, if the thoughts of the characters are revealed, each character should get his/her own paragraph each time one of them is thinking something in the narration)
--time has passed or the location has changed

When writing fiction, paragraphs should be kept a short as possible, and if you post fiction online, you should place a blank line between paragraphs for ease of reading on a computer monitor.

Pick up a paperback novel and look at how dialogue is written. It may help you correct your mistakes.

No, I won't throw tomatoes at you, maybe some heads of lettuce than you can make a salad if anybody else threw tomatoes, I'll be kind to throw in some yellow and orange peppers too.

I really like the story thus far, look forward to reading it when you update, so hurry, and give it your all. Am I demanding tonight or what? Well, later.

So then, if we get what we want... where's the second chappie?
lmao


update soon... lately this site has been overrun by people who's stories fail to pique my interest to stay captivated... so please finish?

ONEGAI! arigatou.