rate_review Reviews

Well i'd say he spiced kagome up lol.He can spice me up anytime he wants hehehe.Very good,i liked it..although i think Kagomes cats name is "Buyo".Im not sure but thats how everyone else spells it.Other then that,it was very good.U sure this is ur first time? lol.Well write more b/c ur pretty darn good at it. Laters.^_^

You need a beta worse than anything. You have a lot of stupid mistakes, such as, "She cried out, loud and clear, a few teats slipping down her face." Now tell me how "teats" can fall down a person's face. That's just ruins the whole mood of the story.

You also had problems deciding what Kagome was wearing. First it was black shorts and a white shirt, then you said she had on a gown, then a robe and a shirt, and then her shorts seemed to disappear by themselves because you only mentioned her underwear being pulled down.

It was worse with Inuyasha. When did he get undressed? It is not mentioned at all, but suddenly he is naked. He is completely OOC too.

Get a beta to help you with scene continuity and spelling. You really need a lot of help. All the stupid mistakes made it hard to enjoy your story at all.

Wow the last revew was harsh. I think you show a lot of talent as a writer. I felt your characters were pretty in character for the situation they were in, so good job. As for errors? We all make them. I think if you re-read your work a couple of times, you could catch many of them such as the clothing descrepancies. I would suggest elaborating a little on Inuyasha's feelings. What made him come back so quickly? My only other suggestion would be to try to tone down the redundancy. You mention that she gasps a lot as well as bites her lip. Maybe vary the reactions a bit. Other than those few minor things I think you did a good job. I would really like to see more from this story.

I liked it!!! Do a sequel PLEASE!!!! :)

Hey
I loved this story you did a good job.