rate_review Reviews

It's hard to judge the quality of the actual story because of the great number of mechanical errors. For instance, here are the first several lines:

“Are you sure that its down there Kagome?”
“Of coarse I’m sure. I’ve been doing this for three years now Miroku.” Why would I say it’s down there if it wasn’t? It’s not like I go around telling them there’s a shared where there isn’t.
“Yes, of coarse. I was just asking if you were sure it was down there and not over on the other side.”
I made that mistake two years ago, and he still wont let it go! “If I meet the other side I would have said that it was on the other side, not that it was down there.”

Here they are corrected:
“Are you sure that it's down there, Kagome?”

“Of course I’m sure. I’ve been doing this for three years now, Miroku.” 'Why would I say it’s down there if it isn’t? It’s not like I go around telling them there’s a shard where there isn’t.'

“Yes, of course. I was just asking if you were sure it was down there and not over on the other side.”

'I made that mistake two years ago, and he still wont let it go!' “If I meant the other side I would have said that it was on the other side, not that it was down there.”

You do start a new paragraph for each speaker which is good but you need to doublespace between paragraphs or they all run together making it hard to read. A lot of the story is thoughts which are usually demarked by a single quote or italics. I got the feeling that you wrote the story letting your word processor fix errors on the fly and then didn't proof it yourself before posting thus the errors like "coarse" for "course" and "shared" for "shard".

too many errors to count..

please EDIT

ok GREAT storie i looooooove it just one problem
grammer
u used wise instead of wish every single time along with some other problems but besides that perfect
im really hooked on this so please update ASAP