AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for So Beautiful

by jessicashae2005

person shadows
schedule May 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
your doing a great job. I really like your writing. Keep up the good work.
person Melissa
schedule May 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
That sounds like my friend Jessica's problems. I'm getting scared for her, but I know she's very strong. I'm wishing you all the best and a swift recovery. Your story is very nice, please continue when you feel better.
person amber
schedule May 29, 2006 at 12:00 AM
love your story hope u feel better
person Vyncent
schedule May 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This story is very good, and has excellent potential. Your plot seems to be well thought out and even your presentation is captivating and offers intrigue. A strong suggestion, however, to improve it more. You should really proof you chapters and cut down on the run on sentences. Many of them are actually multiple sentences all run together. See the example below:

"“So you have finally decided to wake up I’m glad to see my potion did its job, it makes you sleep till its purged all of the poison from your body, you must have had quite a bit in your system oh where are my manners I am Kaili my grandson who I am sure you know rescued you.”"

This would read better and be easier to follow like this:

"So you have finally decided to wake up. I'm glad to see that my potion did its job. It makes you sleep till its purged all of the poison from your body. You must had quite a bit in your system. Oh, where are my manners? I am Kaili. My grandson, who I am sure you know, rescued you."
person Kawaii-Kirara
schedule May 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
It's fine wit me allthough I am a little ticked that this is an AN: and not a chapter but than I guess that you are a tad bit busy, right?
Well when you have the time up-date, but take your time on this one, and give ALOT of details.

TTFN;
megan
person Kawaii-Kirara
schedule May 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Okay I have a few words to say that you might find usefull...LONGER CHPATERS!
Me, myself, and I love long chpaters!
Long chapters are gooooood!
NEways UP-SOON! PLEASE!!??

TTFN;
megan
person Amanda_chan
schedule May 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I LOVE IT!!!! PLEASE JUST TELL THAT STUPID FUCKER TO SHUT UP!!! IT'S A FANFIC!!! DERRRR!!!! GAHHH!!! I JUST LOE THIS FIC SO FAR, PLEASE CONTINUE!!!! 10/10
person tash
schedule May 20, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i love it continue
person Jessica Lyn
schedule May 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is a rather good story so far, I am really enjoying it. It's kinda sad that everyone had to die, but I understand that it needed to be done for your plot to work! I feel bad for Kagome, I sure hope that Sesshoumaru can heal her! :D
person lynn
schedule May 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I still hate this pairing but so far it is a very good story keep up the good work.