schedule
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Wow! Wow! Wow! I love this story! I mean all the sequels of Inglorious: Fraternal and Comaraderie. Please just do not stop writing! I hope to see more of the sequels of this story!
schedule
September 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well you have to admit, it was erotic, in a perverted way..with Kikyou in the
background, hopefully she got the hint by the 2nd act. :-)
I also liked the dreaded 'conversation' Kagome had with Rin about the birds & the bees. An adult's/parent's uncomfortable nightmare. :-)
background, hopefully she got the hint by the 2nd act. :-)
I also liked the dreaded 'conversation' Kagome had with Rin about the birds & the bees. An adult's/parent's uncomfortable nightmare. :-)
schedule
August 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 7
Oh...wow.
You express the characters emotional states very well; so worried about Inuyasha's safety and anxious for his return. Shippou was so cute and did such a wonderful job getting to Sesshoumaru.
Sesshoumaru disappearing in a flash was a good way to show his worry. Great job with Sesshoumaru's frustration on the way to save Inuyasha and Rin. A tip: that was an excellent place for some major angst. He was afraid that he wouldn't get there in time and he knew Inuyasha was human and defenseless. Also, Rin, his adoptive daughter was with Inuyasha. He could lose everything. He had to have been afraid, yes, afraid. Being that scared has physical feelings as well, knots in the stomach, knife in the chest, dry mouth, burning in the head like your about to pass out, frantic, heart about to pound out of your chest. Believe me, I couldn't get to my son in time as he darted out into traffic on his tryke. I did not realize that my voice could go that high when I screamed (and I don't scream--I pass out when I'm scared). It was like a flare went off in my torso and shot out through my mouth. God! It was awful. And then, when your kid thinks that it would be really fun to hide in the closet under a bunch of blankets and you live next to a lake...while you run around searching, your chest gets tighter and tighter and your stomach burns, especially when the last place to look is in the lake. I could've strangled him. I got so mad about being so afraid and then I cried. Giving a physical description really draws out the emotions of the reader. Another one here for you and other authors. Keh, just because I tell you all this stuff doesn't mean that I remember to do it myself. I forget. Practice, practice. *sigh*
Oh, Kagura tipped off Kagome. Cool. I hope Kouga came out of that fight without very many injuries. He just doesn't get that Kagura is trying to help now, but that she's restricted. Of course, I can't really blame him.
Whew! Sesshoumaru got there just in time. I was afraid that he would have to use Tensaiga on Inuyasha and when you didn't show Rin right away, I was afraid that the monster had gotten her. Scared me half to death.
Hm, what's up with Kagome and glowing? I'm sure that you will be expanding on that one. Oh, I felt kind of sorry for her when Rin and Shippou were asking her all of those questions. LOL
Inuyasha's reaction to Kagome coming back to camp and then what she said to him was so great. Her delivery of the talk was excellent. Finally, Inuyasha knows that Kagome won't reject him. I did feel bad for Sesshoumaru. He had only had a couple of minutes with Inuyasha when everything was interrupted.
Rin being her usual self and getting all excited when she saw Inuyasha kiss Sesshoumaru gave me a smile. And her realizing that Sesshoumaru had been upset...it made me sad for him too. *sniffle* Such a perceptive little girl. She just loves her Sesshoumaru.
The lemon...OMG. That was so good. Even though Inuyasha was taking Kagome's advice, it was a bit dangerous to turn his back on Kikyou. Sesshoumaru must have really been tired to let his guard down. I wonder at what point she left too. Heheh. I doubt that she would ever change her mind. I don't know. I hope that you plan on something there. But, the lemon was hot. Anything between them now is romantic because of how you have built up this story. And them being apart from each other so long and not knowing if the other is ok, and needing each other so much...you know, that's a place that you could have built a little more on. Hm...I think to much. I should be writing on my own fics.
Ah, the adverbs. I noticed that you paid careful attention to those in the lemon. Great job! It really did make a difference. Keh, but then you switched places and put them in the other part of the fic! Gah! LOL XD Eh, sometimes I get so involved in what I'm writing because it's coming to me so quickly that I realize that I'm using a lot of adverbs. But, once I get it all written and out of my system, I go back and make changes. Were you in a hurry on this one? Because your punctuation is usually a lot better. Sorry, but I just noticed it because I would have to reread some sentences and I don't remember having to do that before. Please don't shoot me! I wish that I had time to beta for you because I love this series and you have such a great vocabulary and I love your style. It just hypnotizes me. So, when I see errors, I just want to dive in and fix them. *sigh*
Well, another awesome chapter; action, fear, worry, relief, anxiety, sadness, determination, love, romance, excitemnt, cuteness, lemon. So much is in it and you didn't leave us in the middle of anything. A very meaty and satisfying chapter. And the suspense is building. Naraku is becoming more of a presence. *chills*
Look forward to the next one. I'm anxious to see what comes next.
Snowfall aka Hanyou Slave
Oh...wow.
You express the characters emotional states very well; so worried about Inuyasha's safety and anxious for his return. Shippou was so cute and did such a wonderful job getting to Sesshoumaru.
Sesshoumaru disappearing in a flash was a good way to show his worry. Great job with Sesshoumaru's frustration on the way to save Inuyasha and Rin. A tip: that was an excellent place for some major angst. He was afraid that he wouldn't get there in time and he knew Inuyasha was human and defenseless. Also, Rin, his adoptive daughter was with Inuyasha. He could lose everything. He had to have been afraid, yes, afraid. Being that scared has physical feelings as well, knots in the stomach, knife in the chest, dry mouth, burning in the head like your about to pass out, frantic, heart about to pound out of your chest. Believe me, I couldn't get to my son in time as he darted out into traffic on his tryke. I did not realize that my voice could go that high when I screamed (and I don't scream--I pass out when I'm scared). It was like a flare went off in my torso and shot out through my mouth. God! It was awful. And then, when your kid thinks that it would be really fun to hide in the closet under a bunch of blankets and you live next to a lake...while you run around searching, your chest gets tighter and tighter and your stomach burns, especially when the last place to look is in the lake. I could've strangled him. I got so mad about being so afraid and then I cried. Giving a physical description really draws out the emotions of the reader. Another one here for you and other authors. Keh, just because I tell you all this stuff doesn't mean that I remember to do it myself. I forget. Practice, practice. *sigh*
Oh, Kagura tipped off Kagome. Cool. I hope Kouga came out of that fight without very many injuries. He just doesn't get that Kagura is trying to help now, but that she's restricted. Of course, I can't really blame him.
Whew! Sesshoumaru got there just in time. I was afraid that he would have to use Tensaiga on Inuyasha and when you didn't show Rin right away, I was afraid that the monster had gotten her. Scared me half to death.
Hm, what's up with Kagome and glowing? I'm sure that you will be expanding on that one. Oh, I felt kind of sorry for her when Rin and Shippou were asking her all of those questions. LOL
Inuyasha's reaction to Kagome coming back to camp and then what she said to him was so great. Her delivery of the talk was excellent. Finally, Inuyasha knows that Kagome won't reject him. I did feel bad for Sesshoumaru. He had only had a couple of minutes with Inuyasha when everything was interrupted.
Rin being her usual self and getting all excited when she saw Inuyasha kiss Sesshoumaru gave me a smile. And her realizing that Sesshoumaru had been upset...it made me sad for him too. *sniffle* Such a perceptive little girl. She just loves her Sesshoumaru.
The lemon...OMG. That was so good. Even though Inuyasha was taking Kagome's advice, it was a bit dangerous to turn his back on Kikyou. Sesshoumaru must have really been tired to let his guard down. I wonder at what point she left too. Heheh. I doubt that she would ever change her mind. I don't know. I hope that you plan on something there. But, the lemon was hot. Anything between them now is romantic because of how you have built up this story. And them being apart from each other so long and not knowing if the other is ok, and needing each other so much...you know, that's a place that you could have built a little more on. Hm...I think to much. I should be writing on my own fics.
Ah, the adverbs. I noticed that you paid careful attention to those in the lemon. Great job! It really did make a difference. Keh, but then you switched places and put them in the other part of the fic! Gah! LOL XD Eh, sometimes I get so involved in what I'm writing because it's coming to me so quickly that I realize that I'm using a lot of adverbs. But, once I get it all written and out of my system, I go back and make changes. Were you in a hurry on this one? Because your punctuation is usually a lot better. Sorry, but I just noticed it because I would have to reread some sentences and I don't remember having to do that before. Please don't shoot me! I wish that I had time to beta for you because I love this series and you have such a great vocabulary and I love your style. It just hypnotizes me. So, when I see errors, I just want to dive in and fix them. *sigh*
Well, another awesome chapter; action, fear, worry, relief, anxiety, sadness, determination, love, romance, excitemnt, cuteness, lemon. So much is in it and you didn't leave us in the middle of anything. A very meaty and satisfying chapter. And the suspense is building. Naraku is becoming more of a presence. *chills*
Look forward to the next one. I'm anxious to see what comes next.
Snowfall aka Hanyou Slave
schedule
August 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Oh, you should know, that it is not very often that I try to help out an author like this. It's very rare and a compliment to you that I would take the time to think it out and write it. Just so you know that I'm not doing it because I don't like something. I'm doing it because I like your writing so much.
Snowfall aka Hanyou Slave
Snowfall aka Hanyou Slave
schedule
August 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Chapter One:
I like that you have made Kagome a three dimensional character. Coming out of the well, she seemed to have the same countenance as in the series. She always seemed to be more lighthearted when she came back to the past. It was so funny when she fell on her butt because Sesshoumaru was the first person that she saw. I almost laughed.
It was a nice touch that you had Sesshoumaru greet her by saying her name. He was assessing her intelligence…lol. That was another bit of humor. I like that you have these little spots of humor. Kagome imagining Sesshoumaru with nonchalance informing her that he had slaughtered her friends was another smiley. And then we get the proverbial ‘sit’. The end of that section was very sweet. Who would have thought that Sesshoumaru would carry her backpack for her?
You really capture the character’s behaviors and personalities well. Inuyasha scratching his head was so IC. Sesshoumaru’s behavior has changed, but that is due to his new circumstances and what he learned while being held prisoner. Plus, he is trying to ‘gain favor’ with Inuyasha’s friends. He knows how much they mean to Inuyasha. And I don’t doubt that Inuyasha would stand against Sesshoumaru in order to protect Kagome. That’s how their first encounter in the series began after all.
That little piece of information about Izayoi allowed us to see another side of Sesshoumaru…and I enjoyed it.
I may get in a review on the other chapters. Not sure, but I’ll try. They may be much shorter.
A very well written series. And I am anxious to see chapter seven.
Snowfall
I like that you have made Kagome a three dimensional character. Coming out of the well, she seemed to have the same countenance as in the series. She always seemed to be more lighthearted when she came back to the past. It was so funny when she fell on her butt because Sesshoumaru was the first person that she saw. I almost laughed.
It was a nice touch that you had Sesshoumaru greet her by saying her name. He was assessing her intelligence…lol. That was another bit of humor. I like that you have these little spots of humor. Kagome imagining Sesshoumaru with nonchalance informing her that he had slaughtered her friends was another smiley. And then we get the proverbial ‘sit’. The end of that section was very sweet. Who would have thought that Sesshoumaru would carry her backpack for her?
You really capture the character’s behaviors and personalities well. Inuyasha scratching his head was so IC. Sesshoumaru’s behavior has changed, but that is due to his new circumstances and what he learned while being held prisoner. Plus, he is trying to ‘gain favor’ with Inuyasha’s friends. He knows how much they mean to Inuyasha. And I don’t doubt that Inuyasha would stand against Sesshoumaru in order to protect Kagome. That’s how their first encounter in the series began after all.
That little piece of information about Izayoi allowed us to see another side of Sesshoumaru…and I enjoyed it.
I may get in a review on the other chapters. Not sure, but I’ll try. They may be much shorter.
A very well written series. And I am anxious to see chapter seven.
Snowfall
schedule
August 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
The whole section with Miroku and Rin was so sweet and not neglecting Rin's need to accept the circumstances was very thoughtful of you. Poor Miroku, first he has to deal with the fear instilled in him when Sesshoumaru catches Rin sleeping in his lap and then he has to endure Sango's threats. I really did feel sorry for the guy. You really handled the telling of Inuyasha's secret quite well. I could see it happening exactly like that. And of course, it is in character that Kagome would run after him.
You really do have the feel of the characters and events down quite well and are doing an excellent job with balancing everything out. I like that you leave the reader feeling like something important has occurred in each chapter instead of leaving the reader wanting and starving.
Great job,
Snow
You really do have the feel of the characters and events down quite well and are doing an excellent job with balancing everything out. I like that you leave the reader feeling like something important has occurred in each chapter instead of leaving the reader wanting and starving.
Great job,
Snow
schedule
August 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Chapter three:
This put a grin on my face: Kagome’s tending to involve creatures known as aliens and things called government conspiracies. Your presentation of Sango’s acceptance was very smooth and less of a ‘telling’ since it was done as a thought. Good job there. It didn’t feel dry. None of your story does. Very impressive.
Having Sesshoumaru drifting through the shadows as an observer was very visual. His answer to Sango that they all stunk was pretty funny. Oh, my heart fluttered when he told her that he loved Inuyasha. Finally, an admission. And I could see Sango as the one brave enough to ask.
Oh wow! When Kagome caught up to Inuyasha in the clearing, their kiss and Inuyasha saying that he loved Kagome kind of threw me for a loop. Plus, he enjoyed the kiss. I was wondering where it was going. I was just as confused as Kagome. But it turned out so sweet.
The section with Sango, Sesshoumaru and Miroku was very interesting. One conversation very serious and the other, easing a heavy subject. Sesshoumaru and Sango seemed to have bonded a bit.
You left Inuyasha and Kagome in the same relationship that they seemed to have before, but with Kagome more accepting of their circumstances.
Again, great job.
Snow
This put a grin on my face: Kagome’s tending to involve creatures known as aliens and things called government conspiracies. Your presentation of Sango’s acceptance was very smooth and less of a ‘telling’ since it was done as a thought. Good job there. It didn’t feel dry. None of your story does. Very impressive.
Having Sesshoumaru drifting through the shadows as an observer was very visual. His answer to Sango that they all stunk was pretty funny. Oh, my heart fluttered when he told her that he loved Inuyasha. Finally, an admission. And I could see Sango as the one brave enough to ask.
Oh wow! When Kagome caught up to Inuyasha in the clearing, their kiss and Inuyasha saying that he loved Kagome kind of threw me for a loop. Plus, he enjoyed the kiss. I was wondering where it was going. I was just as confused as Kagome. But it turned out so sweet.
The section with Sango, Sesshoumaru and Miroku was very interesting. One conversation very serious and the other, easing a heavy subject. Sesshoumaru and Sango seemed to have bonded a bit.
You left Inuyasha and Kagome in the same relationship that they seemed to have before, but with Kagome more accepting of their circumstances.
Again, great job.
Snow
schedule
August 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Chapter four:
I really enjoyed this chapter. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru hesitantly expressed their love for one another, the lemon was great, Kagome made a great stand in their defense when Kikyou showed up and then the awful event at the end that had Inuyasha swept away. At least Sesshoumaru was able to save Kagome. What an eventful chapter! The action whore in me is very satisfied. Oh yeah!
Snow
I really enjoyed this chapter. Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru hesitantly expressed their love for one another, the lemon was great, Kagome made a great stand in their defense when Kikyou showed up and then the awful event at the end that had Inuyasha swept away. At least Sesshoumaru was able to save Kagome. What an eventful chapter! The action whore in me is very satisfied. Oh yeah!
Snow
schedule
August 25, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Chapter five:
Your idea for Sesshoumaru markings on the tree were great. Of course, I’ve already read what it does and I have to say that it is very cool. And Inuyasha almost ran smack into the tree that the carving was on. That was funny.
Wow. Sesshoumaru picked Kagome up. “darting through the rain like a ghost”. I love the imagery.
Inuyasha meeting up with the others was quite a relief. Miroku’s injuries and saving Rin gives him the added character of a hero, which he truly is. He is more than a pervert and sometimes people fail to see that, only focusing on the distracting humor in the series.
That was sneaky of Rin to run off like that. Poor Shippou, he will think that it was all his fault. Inuyasha’s willingness to take off and find Rin and taking Shippou with him was very IC. Whew! Inuyasha got to her just in time. It was great that he understood Rin’s need to find Sesshoumaru.
The whole section with Sesshoumaru feeling guilty to the point of going to a human village, Kouga showing up and being is normal arrogant self and Sesshoumaru returning to fend off the wolf was very sweet. And OMG, not Naraku! Creepiness. Will there be a battle soon? Will anyone die? You scare me.
“I’m not going to kill him…Not yet anyway…Oh joy…” You can be so funny. Gah! It’s Inuyasha’s human night and there are oni about!
It was very intelligent of Inuyasha to realize that the…thing…only went after humans and sending Shippou safely ahead. But what about Rin? They are cutting it pretty close with Inuyasha not having his normal capabilities. Nice cliffie.
Again, nice chapter.
Snow
Your idea for Sesshoumaru markings on the tree were great. Of course, I’ve already read what it does and I have to say that it is very cool. And Inuyasha almost ran smack into the tree that the carving was on. That was funny.
Wow. Sesshoumaru picked Kagome up. “darting through the rain like a ghost”. I love the imagery.
Inuyasha meeting up with the others was quite a relief. Miroku’s injuries and saving Rin gives him the added character of a hero, which he truly is. He is more than a pervert and sometimes people fail to see that, only focusing on the distracting humor in the series.
That was sneaky of Rin to run off like that. Poor Shippou, he will think that it was all his fault. Inuyasha’s willingness to take off and find Rin and taking Shippou with him was very IC. Whew! Inuyasha got to her just in time. It was great that he understood Rin’s need to find Sesshoumaru.
The whole section with Sesshoumaru feeling guilty to the point of going to a human village, Kouga showing up and being is normal arrogant self and Sesshoumaru returning to fend off the wolf was very sweet. And OMG, not Naraku! Creepiness. Will there be a battle soon? Will anyone die? You scare me.
“I’m not going to kill him…Not yet anyway…Oh joy…” You can be so funny. Gah! It’s Inuyasha’s human night and there are oni about!
It was very intelligent of Inuyasha to realize that the…thing…only went after humans and sending Shippou safely ahead. But what about Rin? They are cutting it pretty close with Inuyasha not having his normal capabilities. Nice cliffie.
Again, nice chapter.
Snow
schedule
August 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Awsome story!!!!!!!! I love it!!!! I've always appriciated long stories like yours, it gives the reader a lot to read. You are a very talented writer, I could never write anything this good!!! I hope to read the next chapter quite soon.
-Until then,
Divina Hale *^-^*
-Until then,
Divina Hale *^-^*