errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
February 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is a great story!!! I think it's very well written and I love reading it.
(you don't have to review my story but if you like my penname is Lengliorla)
(you don't have to review my story but if you like my penname is Lengliorla)
schedule
February 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
ok this is for the latest chapter... intense dream there... more like nightmare... very good chapter... I liked it... anyway tahnx for the link to your story... I needed something to read since aff.net is down...eesh.... anyway until next chapter
schedule
February 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Hello fellow readers, I know This really sucks, I have my chapter ready to go. You can always go to my site www.vampiredreams.tk and go to my messege board on there and check out the new chapt. then possibly come back here and review. Sorry for the inconviance. It's the sites fault! >.< -Laura
PS it should be up within 3 days ( chapter 11)
PS it should be up within 3 days ( chapter 11)
schedule
February 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I had seen this fic before and I think that you have potential. So I have a couple of tips. If you want to keep your formatting, use the text cut and paste option for loading the chapter. At the top of your page type in < p r e > without the spaces then at the bottom, type in < / p r e > without the spaces.
Now for a writing tip. The readers are not in your head, so you must put in the finer details. I know that it's a pain in the ass, but it will help the readers and make for more depth to your story. You're already on your way there. I would suggest that after you write a chapter, go back and read it and see if everyting that is in your head has gotten to your readers. Such as, when the fight on the water was going on, were the characters close enough to shore for Inuyasha to drift there. Too far out and he would have sunk to the bottom of the ocean. In your mind, could you smell the salt of the sea spray? What color was the water? We know something of what the characters are feeling by their actions and words, but describing it in more details makes it more real for the reader. Pull the reader into your world to see the colors, sounds and smells, the characters emotions. You're already doing it a little, but you need to spend more time going back and adding what you see that your readers don't. How do I know? My own progress. Reading my first fic, it's not far from where you are now. If you want to get the jist of what I mean, read authors like mshutts, AmberRose, demonlordlover, Resmiranda. There is a host of names that I could list, but I cannot remember them all at the moment.
I only do these type of reviews where I see hard work and potential. So, don't take this as a flame or even as constructive criticism. They are helpful tips to someone that I know cares enough about their work to keep them in mind. That's all. ^_^
Now for a writing tip. The readers are not in your head, so you must put in the finer details. I know that it's a pain in the ass, but it will help the readers and make for more depth to your story. You're already on your way there. I would suggest that after you write a chapter, go back and read it and see if everyting that is in your head has gotten to your readers. Such as, when the fight on the water was going on, were the characters close enough to shore for Inuyasha to drift there. Too far out and he would have sunk to the bottom of the ocean. In your mind, could you smell the salt of the sea spray? What color was the water? We know something of what the characters are feeling by their actions and words, but describing it in more details makes it more real for the reader. Pull the reader into your world to see the colors, sounds and smells, the characters emotions. You're already doing it a little, but you need to spend more time going back and adding what you see that your readers don't. How do I know? My own progress. Reading my first fic, it's not far from where you are now. If you want to get the jist of what I mean, read authors like mshutts, AmberRose, demonlordlover, Resmiranda. There is a host of names that I could list, but I cannot remember them all at the moment.
I only do these type of reviews where I see hard work and potential. So, don't take this as a flame or even as constructive criticism. They are helpful tips to someone that I know cares enough about their work to keep them in mind. That's all. ^_^
schedule
February 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oh oh i wanna know what happens write more or...die
schedule
January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Please continue i want to know will inuyasha wake up from his comma and which brother will be get pregnant it would be neat if both did.
schedule
January 27, 2006 at 12:00 AM
poor sess! great chapter though, please update soon!
schedule
January 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
hey, sorry im not reviewing ur story right now, ill read it later ^^;
but thanks for attempting to read my memories story and adding it to your list! I'm very appreciative ^^
but thanks for attempting to read my memories story and adding it to your list! I'm very appreciative ^^
schedule
January 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
this is not kosher man. cliff hangers!!!! Please lets move this along with some more additions to the story. This is rocking!!!!
schedule
January 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
WHAT? inu is still in pain! i hope he dosen't look to bad. Is there really such a thing as erectile dysfynction? please update soon!