schedule
September 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Well I must say you have a nice story here. There are a few things that I am concerned about though. One is you really do need a beta. I know how dull it is re-reading your story for errors but it is needed. The one that stuck out the most is you seem to really hate the word "their". You constantly use "there" instead. Also Koga's "running mates" are Ginta and Hakaku. You did ask for the correct spelling on them, yes?
I like the what you are doing with the storyline. How no one knew that they knew each other but were indeed connected because that happens in real life. But I do have a problem with the characters' profiles. All the girls seem to be more or less the same. They are all overly fiesty. Don't get me wrong I love that but ALL of them? What is the thing that makes them different? That makes them special? The guys are not as bad off but maybe you could take a closer look into making them more...real. I will ask why you make Rin say such things about Sesshomaru if you plan to put them together? She doesn't have to be bubbly nice to him but it is strange that she seems to never have anything nice to say about him. The eyebrow thing is funny though...
Their out look on things is a bit high schoolish. For example, they all think they need to throw their firends together. All of them? A few perhaps thinking it and then suggesting it I could believe but for everyone to just out right think it? And I don't really get the whole "everyone protect Kagome after she stalks off" like she is completely helpless. I understand something bad happened to her that you will explain later, I just hope it is big enough to make her friend's reaction plausible.
I like the way you have set up Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's dad. He seems to fit his role perfectly. And Kagome complaining to him about his own son is just too much! I can't wait to see how this will turn out. A girl he almost considers a daughter to him about to date his son. What does he do when they get into a fight? Who does he "side" with? Or does he stay neutral? Anyway my only other complaint is how all the characters seem to know what's going on. They are a little to all-knowing. They are able to always correctly guess something.
For right now none of the things bother me enough to stop me from reading but these things are keeping your story form being a great story rather than just a good one. I know it seems like I'm being a pain but I am honestly just trying to give you a real review so that you can make your story better.
Precious (I'm a member), babygurl_4th@yahoo
I like the what you are doing with the storyline. How no one knew that they knew each other but were indeed connected because that happens in real life. But I do have a problem with the characters' profiles. All the girls seem to be more or less the same. They are all overly fiesty. Don't get me wrong I love that but ALL of them? What is the thing that makes them different? That makes them special? The guys are not as bad off but maybe you could take a closer look into making them more...real. I will ask why you make Rin say such things about Sesshomaru if you plan to put them together? She doesn't have to be bubbly nice to him but it is strange that she seems to never have anything nice to say about him. The eyebrow thing is funny though...
Their out look on things is a bit high schoolish. For example, they all think they need to throw their firends together. All of them? A few perhaps thinking it and then suggesting it I could believe but for everyone to just out right think it? And I don't really get the whole "everyone protect Kagome after she stalks off" like she is completely helpless. I understand something bad happened to her that you will explain later, I just hope it is big enough to make her friend's reaction plausible.
I like the way you have set up Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's dad. He seems to fit his role perfectly. And Kagome complaining to him about his own son is just too much! I can't wait to see how this will turn out. A girl he almost considers a daughter to him about to date his son. What does he do when they get into a fight? Who does he "side" with? Or does he stay neutral? Anyway my only other complaint is how all the characters seem to know what's going on. They are a little to all-knowing. They are able to always correctly guess something.
For right now none of the things bother me enough to stop me from reading but these things are keeping your story form being a great story rather than just a good one. I know it seems like I'm being a pain but I am honestly just trying to give you a real review so that you can make your story better.
Precious (I'm a member), babygurl_4th@yahoo
schedule
September 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Whe is the the next chapter coming out!!!!!!!
schedule
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I REALLY like this story. It's funny and sexy, but still has a PLOT. I definitely look forward to reading more of it. Great job.
schedule
September 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This story me like lol keep it up so far your doing great though you do need a beta to help you do italics to some words indents to paragraphs you get the point put other than that it is very great in other words your rating for me is kick ass # 5 lol.
schedule
September 12, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Yes! i really liked dis story! Plz update soon
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September 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
GREAT WORK! COME ON THOUGH FINISH UP PLEASE!!!!!?????
Update soon. Thanks
Update soon. Thanks
schedule
September 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
GREAT WORK! COME ON THOUGH FINISH UP PLEASE!!!!!?????
Update soon. Thanks
Update soon. Thanks
schedule
September 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
COME ON I'M DYIN HERE PPPPPLLLLEEEEAAASSSEEEE UUUUPPPPDDDDAAAATTTTEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant take much more of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant take much more of this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
schedule
August 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
are u having writer's block or what plez UPDATE. it's been sooooooooo long.
Peace & Love BastardOmega
Peace & Love BastardOmega
schedule
July 24, 2006 at 12:00 AM
"WOW" is the word I would use to describe this one. I think this is one that has been thought out a lot. If not then it is great work. Either way it is great work.
I love the way that you make Kagome. Just because she is a virgin doesn't mean that she is completely innocent. I love the way she dances. Makes me wish I could dance like that. XD
I have an idea if you don't have everything planned already. It is somewhat sad but in a good way, it will bring Kagome and Inuyasha closer together. Kagome has a dream about every getting attacked by the demons that just want her for her power or to rape her in a simple sense. Her miko powers get out of control but sango can't clam her down. So she go gets Inuyasha, who is so deep into his thoughts that he doesn't sense that Kagome is out of control until Sango is at his door. Soon the whole house is shaking from the power emited from her. Sango goes to Inuyasha's door and finds that the new moon outside (hint hint) is what makes him human but he still needs to help Kagome. He eventually does and her nightmare that she couldn't awaken from is over. I love it when people make Kagome really powerful or powerful enough to take care of her self because she is not weak with the miko powers that she has.
Read it, don't read it. It is just an idea. Thanks if you do read it. The story is AWSOME!!!!!!!! ^.^
I love the way that you make Kagome. Just because she is a virgin doesn't mean that she is completely innocent. I love the way she dances. Makes me wish I could dance like that. XD
I have an idea if you don't have everything planned already. It is somewhat sad but in a good way, it will bring Kagome and Inuyasha closer together. Kagome has a dream about every getting attacked by the demons that just want her for her power or to rape her in a simple sense. Her miko powers get out of control but sango can't clam her down. So she go gets Inuyasha, who is so deep into his thoughts that he doesn't sense that Kagome is out of control until Sango is at his door. Soon the whole house is shaking from the power emited from her. Sango goes to Inuyasha's door and finds that the new moon outside (hint hint) is what makes him human but he still needs to help Kagome. He eventually does and her nightmare that she couldn't awaken from is over. I love it when people make Kagome really powerful or powerful enough to take care of her self because she is not weak with the miko powers that she has.
Read it, don't read it. It is just an idea. Thanks if you do read it. The story is AWSOME!!!!!!!! ^.^