rate_review Reviews

excellent, much better, cant wait for the next chapter.

Well now that the second chapter is up I can see that this stoy does have much potential. I'm also glad to see that you changed the format from the first chapter, I like this one much better.

One another note you shold go back and retyype the first chapter in the same format as the first. Besides that ad a few grammar and spelling mistakes (Which I make as well, no one is perfect so don'y worry to much about it.)

Well other that that keep up the good work, personally I want to see how kagome is going to take it and I want to see how much longer you intend to keep that necklace on him.

I'd say not to bother with the -san,-sama,-kun,-jiji,-chan. It'll only confuse you. Really. This actually does have potential. The only thing you need is either to revise it before posting, or to have someone edit it for you. Spell check simply isn't enough. I really like the idea, though it's been done a couple of times... you can still develop your own original ideas.

Take care... and I'll come soon to see how this is going.

you are doing good but you need a Beta reader for your story to help you with englash

pretty good, all i can really say is that you should use the " sign, cant remeber what they're called but whatever, when you write when one of the characters is talking, and spell checking wouldnt hurt, otherwise, is a great fic sofar.

Pretty good story and I like where your going with it. My main problem is the readability of it. You group your thoughts with quotes and you don't use anything to seperate the speech from narrative. Maybe putting thoughts in italics and the speech in quotations would make it easier to read. Also, you can separate the lines of speech apart and make it flow better. Example:

"i love you InuYasha" Sango said

"I love you my little Sango" InuYasha replied

Something like that. Very minor spelling errors so cudos to that. Keep up the good work and i can't wait for the next update.

I like the idea of Inuyasha feeling mistreated. The necklace was placed around him in order to protect Kagome from him, not so she could have a "pet".