rate_review Reviews

Much, much better. I now have a clear picture in my mind of what was happening. Keep up the good work. I can't wait to read more of this story. I look forward to the next chapter.

This story doesn't suck. But it could use some work. For example, periods at the end of sentences would be nice. Also, names should always be capatilized. So should the first letter of the first word of a sentence. When "I" is used as a word, it is also capatilized. Some descriptions would also be nice. The first chapter was 99% conversation. What were Kagome and Shippo playing? Pattycake? Go Fish? Tag? What kind of day was it? What was Kagome's expression when Shippo asked for a little brother or sister? What kind of animal did Inuyasha kill? A deer? A boar? A rabbit? What was Sesshoumaru doing when he came across Inuyasha? Patroling his lands? Looking for Inuyasha so he could beat his little brother up?
Please don't think this is a flame. It isn't meant to be. But the suggestions I've given would make this story more interesting to read.