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August 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Good story i liked it review soon
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August 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
that was good keep going
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August 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please make more story
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August 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
pretty much what my name is update soon!
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August 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Inuyasha is an asshole so why is Kagome accepting him?
You could use a beta reader. You have lots of spelling errors and you need someone to help with your grammar. But before you do that, you might want to have someone help you with the story since you are not giving the characters sufficient motivation for the way they are acting. It is not believable and they are out of character.
You could use a beta reader. You have lots of spelling errors and you need someone to help with your grammar. But before you do that, you might want to have someone help you with the story since you are not giving the characters sufficient motivation for the way they are acting. It is not believable and they are out of character.
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August 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
awww that was sweet please keep going.
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August 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please update.
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August 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Let me introduce you to an new and exciting concept. It's called the "paragraph". Now I know it sounds scary but it would really make it easier for anyone to read your story. As it stands it's just a pile of words...and I refuse to read crap that someone can't even bother to punctuate. Get a beta reader, borrow a grammar book, pick your teacher's brain for a detail or two about that "paragraph" concept and try again when you won't be wasting our time.
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August 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
There is no need to be so rude, grammer teacher... That said, breaking your story up into paragraphs even if it is only to seperate dialogue from the body of the story would make it much easier to read and much more enjoyable. Anyway don't let people who have nothing better than to go around talking down to others for their enjoyment get you down. You can't get better at anything without practice. Keep working on it and feel free to email me if you want some suggestions or someone to look over your work.
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August 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
liked it but u better update oh and i loved it