rate_review Reviews

xxxxxxx!! cool!!! loved it!!! more please more please more please more please =) =-)

very nice. plz update soon. (oh, and plz make a sessy/rin I'm a sucker 4 that couple)

Extremely well-written. You have excellent style and a knack for wording. It's also nice to find an author who obviously employs proof-reading and possibly even a beta to catch grammar flaws that do not show up in a spell-check. Seriously, the flow of your vocabulary rolls off the tongue (or page, as it were) and THAT is truly rare. You don't burden your readers with excessive detail, nor do you leave us without imagery. Thus far, the plotline has made perfect sense and I certainly hope that continues.

Places to improve? Honestly, I find it hard to believe that Inuyasha would become so open and affectionate over night. I understand your reasoning - he is simply no longer feeling the need to hold back his impulses. But habits take time to acquire and even longer to break. He has been living the whole of his life quite stifled and suppressed. I would have thought it would take him a while to train himself out of his ingrained defenses. The same also applies for the fact that Inuyasha is not exactly known for being a wordsmith. Saying all the right things at all the right times in all the right ways seems a bit unlikely. I would not go as far as to say it's OOC because you DID explain the reasons why he felt he could drop the pretense. I am merely taking issue with how quickly the change occurred. (Think of it like cussing. As children we are taught not to say 'bad words'. Yet as we get older, we become more exposed to the words and start to introduce them into our own vocabulary over time. You wouldn't often see a child go from pure to potty-mouth over night. And even after we're old enough to use those terms and not have it be considered a travesty, we might choose to go with a less-vulgar word or slip back into old habits. I'd imagine that Inuyasha learning to express himself would be much the same.)

Also, I am not so convinced Kagome would be thrilled at the prospect of becoming a cave-woman. And I would think that even if SHE agreed, her mother would be a bit shocked. I mean, it is after all A CAVE. They're nice to visit and all, but to live in one forever? It would take adjusting to as a human girl from the modern era. And the idea of using Inuyasha's childhood home is somewhat cliche, and given your incredible creativity in other parts of the fic, I suspect you could have found something a bit more revolutionary.

Overall, you have good characterization throughout the fic and you clearly have a talent for writing citrus. This is a very enjoyable piece and I look forward to seeing more from you.

Damn, that was good. You are so quick to undate and each chapter greats better and better. I need to stop reading your fic and finish my own but I can help it...this is too good. Oh and the Rin idea is classic...I can't wait to see the trouble she'll cost.

I just lllooovvvee this story. so sweet, so hot... much yumminess. keep on posting!

=) Loved the new chapters. but what can shippo teach rin? or kirara for that matter?

Thanks for the additional chaps! I don't think that Mrs H is too far OOC - any decent contemporary Mom would be more concerned for her daughter's happiness than random propriety (or so one would think) and the storyline has her at 18, not 16. I think that she (Mrs H) has a lot more depth that is generally acknowledged.
Anyway, looking forward to the next chaps!

he goes to jack off, kikyo finds him, acts seductive, Kagome comes early, and sees it all. =) that's what I'm guessing will happen next. M I right?

Nice story, but if Inuyasha had a rough time squeezing through the cave opening, how did a huge cat youkai get in there?

does kagome's mom realize that she throwing Kagome's virignity away into INuyasha's arms? weird. anyways, cute story.