schedule
August 17, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you write some more chapters?
schedule
August 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hmm...I tried to send you an eMail to avoid posting this here, but since your eMail address doesn't actually exist...
OK, I tried. I really really really tried to read this story. But I couldn't. Please add spaces between paragraphs. Rather than using caps, you could utilize the oft ignored italics or bold HTML tags.
Honestly...trying to read this hurt my eyes; it was one huge blur of black atop a light blue background. In the third chapter, I appreciated it when you seperated sections with asterisks. That is a very good technique to let the reader know you're shifting between two different environments, focuses or scenes. I see too many people over specify (~~Dream Sequence~~) and it's a problem. A good author should be able to let their reader know what is going on without giving transitional details to the umpteenth degree.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" doesn't really lend you credibility as an author. JMHO. Telling a story is about making someone [ie, the reader, me] experience the moment. While it may illustrate what is being said, it doesn't particularly tell what's going on with the person, what they are feeling, whether it be anguish, pain, or dismay. Having her just say "No!" then describing her emotions would probably do the trick. ;)
Please don't take this as a criticism of your story itself, because I haven't read past the first four paragraphs of the second chapter. I think you might get alot more positive hits and reviewers if the format was more reader friendly. =)
Au Revoir
OK, I tried. I really really really tried to read this story. But I couldn't. Please add spaces between paragraphs. Rather than using caps, you could utilize the oft ignored italics or bold HTML tags.
Honestly...trying to read this hurt my eyes; it was one huge blur of black atop a light blue background. In the third chapter, I appreciated it when you seperated sections with asterisks. That is a very good technique to let the reader know you're shifting between two different environments, focuses or scenes. I see too many people over specify (~~Dream Sequence~~) and it's a problem. A good author should be able to let their reader know what is going on without giving transitional details to the umpteenth degree.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" doesn't really lend you credibility as an author. JMHO. Telling a story is about making someone [ie, the reader, me] experience the moment. While it may illustrate what is being said, it doesn't particularly tell what's going on with the person, what they are feeling, whether it be anguish, pain, or dismay. Having her just say "No!" then describing her emotions would probably do the trick. ;)
Please don't take this as a criticism of your story itself, because I haven't read past the first four paragraphs of the second chapter. I think you might get alot more positive hits and reviewers if the format was more reader friendly. =)
Au Revoir
schedule
July 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
GREAT CONCEPT, can't wait to see who dies so keep writing!