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October 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Interesting plot! Wonderful writing! Can't wait to read the next chapters!
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October 19, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoyed it. i cant wait for the next chapter
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October 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Your mechanics are, for the most part, sound. I did see a few incidents of homonym confusion ("who's" when it should have been "whose", etc.), but overall, good work with that. You did a fine job of finding a balance of describing the setting so we had an idea of where they were without turning the narrative into a travelogue. Blocking was decent as well.
However, I did identify some issues that shook me out of the fragile suspension of disbelief required to handle an Inu/Sess story.
1. Sesshoumaru's touch on Inuyasha's ears was the most gentle since his mother had died? Kagome fondled his ears, and I have trouble believing she was all rough and yanking on them.
2. It is jarring to have Inuyasha so upset over what his brother has done to him, and then follow that nauseous sentiment up with a "spark of interest" caveat. Being kidnapped and raped by your brother is not generally something that sane people-- and for all his shortcomings, Inuyasha *is* sane-- are going to come to enjoy. It is far too early in the story to plead Stockholm syndrome on I's part, too.
3. In chapter 4, you have Sesshoumaru command Inuyasha to sit, yet I. doesn't crash to the ground at the use of the word. In an earlier chapter, however, you made a point of I. tumbling down when S. said it by accident. Continuity failure.
4. It doesn't make sense to have Sesshoumaru "faintly disgusted" to be thought a rapist when when he really *is* a rapist. Being forced to provide oral sex is rape just as much as being penetrated genitally. Unless you're planning on including a scene later on where he's confronted by Inuyasha's assertion of this and must therefore adjust and, one hopes, regret the import of his actions-- which I doubt-- then it doesn't really work.
However, I did identify some issues that shook me out of the fragile suspension of disbelief required to handle an Inu/Sess story.
1. Sesshoumaru's touch on Inuyasha's ears was the most gentle since his mother had died? Kagome fondled his ears, and I have trouble believing she was all rough and yanking on them.
2. It is jarring to have Inuyasha so upset over what his brother has done to him, and then follow that nauseous sentiment up with a "spark of interest" caveat. Being kidnapped and raped by your brother is not generally something that sane people-- and for all his shortcomings, Inuyasha *is* sane-- are going to come to enjoy. It is far too early in the story to plead Stockholm syndrome on I's part, too.
3. In chapter 4, you have Sesshoumaru command Inuyasha to sit, yet I. doesn't crash to the ground at the use of the word. In an earlier chapter, however, you made a point of I. tumbling down when S. said it by accident. Continuity failure.
4. It doesn't make sense to have Sesshoumaru "faintly disgusted" to be thought a rapist when when he really *is* a rapist. Being forced to provide oral sex is rape just as much as being penetrated genitally. Unless you're planning on including a scene later on where he's confronted by Inuyasha's assertion of this and must therefore adjust and, one hopes, regret the import of his actions-- which I doubt-- then it doesn't really work.
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September 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oh!!! i so totally want to continue reading this fic! i hope u update soon!!!!!!!
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September 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WOW THIS IS AWESOME! I can't wait for more! I love the guilty-Sesshomaru...it makes my heart hurt --cries-- I hope InuYasha gets really humiliated by Fluffy-chan, then Fluffy feels SO guilty, he becomes like the nicest person or whatever...hehe, I'd rather read it your way tho, what you have planned...that's WAY more exciting than MY way! AHHH! Can't wait for MOOOOOOOORE!
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September 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is an amazing fic. I can't wait to read more. Please update as soon as possible.
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September 20, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was hot. ;] I can't wait to see what Sesshomaru will do next! Yum
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September 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
plz review! we must find out if inuyasha can get his pride back and escape and if he and sesshomaru will be mated!
plz review! we must find out if inuyasha can get his pride back and escape and if he and sesshomaru will be mated!
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September 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA you can't leave it there!!!!! I WANT MORE! That was so good! I need another chapter wow! Amazing. Please please please continue.
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August 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WOW!!!!!! you have got to continue this and soon