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July 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
First off, I want to tell you that it's not a bad story. :) It's written well and nothing made me go "Buh?" So that already puts you above SO many Inuyasha fanauthors. Having said that, I want to ask you, have you ever written Jakotsu before? Have you seen the Shichinintai arc, or just what Adult Swim has shown? Because while you got some basics of Jakotsu's character down, there's a lot of stuff you missed or misinterpreted. The most important being these:
A) Jakotsu never expresses an interest in raping Inuyasha. He wants to slice him up and see his blood, hear him cry out in pain, but even in the final fight, its never implied that this will turn to rape. Jakotsu is a sadist, and as such, gets off on pain, not power, like a rapist does. Although I do understand the necessity, for this story, to give him that opportunity, I'm just saying the original urge would not be there. Now, when you had him suddenly decide to be all tender, THAT was a good move! Because that is something he does. Jakotsu tends to switch back and forth between wanting to cause Inu some major pain, and having tender moments towards him. So that was well done!! :)
B) Naraku is not the type Jakotsu would be immediately attracted to, if they had ever met. ....I liked having them meet. :) But he's not really Jakotsu's type. Jakotsu's type is personified in Inuyasha. Younger than Jakotsu himself is. Naive. Innocent looking, but with a fighting spirit. Cute. Naraku is none of these (even though he is gorgeous) and so, Jakotsu would not be the one to make the first move if this encounter ever occurred. Naraku may seduce him (which you had him do, yay you!!) I'm just pointing out that Jakotsu would not be the first one to flirt, and it may even take a fair bit of seducing to win him over.
I'm really not trying to rip on you. I think it was good! These are just the two things that stood out most in my mind as being OOC. I'm a HUGE Jakotsu fangirl, so..err..of course I felt it was my sovereign duty to butt my way in and help. ;) It's too bad you seemed a little squeamish about writing the first rape scene...because I think writing insane, sadistic Ja is one of the most fun things in the world. :)
So...if you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me, even if you wanna just bitch me out for sticking my nose in.
~Tareacel
A) Jakotsu never expresses an interest in raping Inuyasha. He wants to slice him up and see his blood, hear him cry out in pain, but even in the final fight, its never implied that this will turn to rape. Jakotsu is a sadist, and as such, gets off on pain, not power, like a rapist does. Although I do understand the necessity, for this story, to give him that opportunity, I'm just saying the original urge would not be there. Now, when you had him suddenly decide to be all tender, THAT was a good move! Because that is something he does. Jakotsu tends to switch back and forth between wanting to cause Inu some major pain, and having tender moments towards him. So that was well done!! :)
B) Naraku is not the type Jakotsu would be immediately attracted to, if they had ever met. ....I liked having them meet. :) But he's not really Jakotsu's type. Jakotsu's type is personified in Inuyasha. Younger than Jakotsu himself is. Naive. Innocent looking, but with a fighting spirit. Cute. Naraku is none of these (even though he is gorgeous) and so, Jakotsu would not be the one to make the first move if this encounter ever occurred. Naraku may seduce him (which you had him do, yay you!!) I'm just pointing out that Jakotsu would not be the first one to flirt, and it may even take a fair bit of seducing to win him over.
I'm really not trying to rip on you. I think it was good! These are just the two things that stood out most in my mind as being OOC. I'm a HUGE Jakotsu fangirl, so..err..of course I felt it was my sovereign duty to butt my way in and help. ;) It's too bad you seemed a little squeamish about writing the first rape scene...because I think writing insane, sadistic Ja is one of the most fun things in the world. :)
So...if you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me, even if you wanna just bitch me out for sticking my nose in.
~Tareacel