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schedule
June 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
your story seems to be less about the lemon and more about creative writing. it was nice to see a little change from the usual.
schedule
June 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It's always nice to come across a fellow author that appreciates nitpicky reviewers. I too enjoy harsh but fair C&C (and much like you, I would imagine, I always take it with a grain of salt). Your open-mindedness will make you as excellent an author as you strive to be. I understand that you wrote this fic as a 'break' of sorts from your main writing project, so I am able to wrap my head around your non-desire to go into extraordinary detail and background. If you do revise to make it a longer story, I will certainly be reading it.
In any case, you really do have a wonderful talent for putting fresh imagery into your work. Keep writing. I'm looking forward to your next piece.
In any case, you really do have a wonderful talent for putting fresh imagery into your work. Keep writing. I'm looking forward to your next piece.
schedule
June 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
this is deffinatly going on my favorites list! and please do continue this one-shot, for i am eager to know myself why he's hurt, why he's leaving, and the list goes on. i loved the comparison to snowstorms and snow itself. this is a great one-shot, and would also make a great chapter fic. there are no flaws on errors by the way... well at least not anymore. i simply loved it. again i will say, continue please, i am eager to know what story behind this is in your head!
also i believe you said that if you did continue this fic, you would not have a general ideahow to go about it. my suggestion is to start with flashbacks of what happened, and in between the here and theres, write what is going on presently. Ciao!
also i believe you said that if you did continue this fic, you would not have a general ideahow to go about it. my suggestion is to start with flashbacks of what happened, and in between the here and theres, write what is going on presently. Ciao!
schedule
June 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Aside from a couple of awkward wordings and grammar/spelling errors, very, VERY well-written. I like it a lot :)
schedule
June 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hello my dear sister *hugs*
This fic is amazing, beautiful and so passionate. Even if is didn't contiue it still is a nice piece of fiction that gives you a more loving view of Inuyasha's personality. And he is human also....very nice. You don't see many fics that tackle his human side. So whether you continue it or not, it is still a fantastic read and I look forward to seeing more works from you.
Luv u neechan
HJ
This fic is amazing, beautiful and so passionate. Even if is didn't contiue it still is a nice piece of fiction that gives you a more loving view of Inuyasha's personality. And he is human also....very nice. You don't see many fics that tackle his human side. So whether you continue it or not, it is still a fantastic read and I look forward to seeing more works from you.
Luv u neechan
HJ
schedule
June 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This fic was as steamy as it was confusing. This C&C will be hard to articulate, so bear with me.
In most AU one-shots, the reader is given very little background but enough to remotely understand the situation. It is therefore easy to get engrossed in the story and manage to not dwell on the intricacies of the circumstances that have brought the couple together.
Your fic is in keeping with this general rule. The difference is that there was so little detail that it was difficult to set the scene. Right in the middle of where you’re supposed to be building the tension, you introduce a very confusing plot element. I am speaking of where Kagome tells Inuyasha that he’ll never come back.
Where is Kagome? Why is she caring for Inuyasha? How was he injured? Is he a warrior? If it’s the modern era, shouldn’t he be in a hospital? Why has Kagome been ‘unwanted’?
When you brought up that element in the middle of the kiss, it broke your momentum and brought the reader back to wondering what in the world was going on. In the future, introduce these elements before you get going too far. It detracted from your fic a great deal.
Also, I think you forgot to spell check the last 6 paragraphs. Everything was fine up until that point.
Your writing style is excellent, although you may want to work on your words flowing together. Examples: “fingers linger” – unintentional rhyming is not a plus. “stepped forward towards him” – you don’t really need the word ‘forward’ in there. (but this is something everyone could be better at, so fret not).
You certainly do paint lovely visual imagery, and it’s nice to find someone who actually makes use of a wide vocabulary. Additionally, you don’t use typical phrases, idioms, and clichés, and THAT is truly unique. Major thanks on that front.
Overall, this has the potential to be an excellent fic if you perhaps wrote a prologue to it. Color me impressed.
In most AU one-shots, the reader is given very little background but enough to remotely understand the situation. It is therefore easy to get engrossed in the story and manage to not dwell on the intricacies of the circumstances that have brought the couple together.
Your fic is in keeping with this general rule. The difference is that there was so little detail that it was difficult to set the scene. Right in the middle of where you’re supposed to be building the tension, you introduce a very confusing plot element. I am speaking of where Kagome tells Inuyasha that he’ll never come back.
Where is Kagome? Why is she caring for Inuyasha? How was he injured? Is he a warrior? If it’s the modern era, shouldn’t he be in a hospital? Why has Kagome been ‘unwanted’?
When you brought up that element in the middle of the kiss, it broke your momentum and brought the reader back to wondering what in the world was going on. In the future, introduce these elements before you get going too far. It detracted from your fic a great deal.
Also, I think you forgot to spell check the last 6 paragraphs. Everything was fine up until that point.
Your writing style is excellent, although you may want to work on your words flowing together. Examples: “fingers linger” – unintentional rhyming is not a plus. “stepped forward towards him” – you don’t really need the word ‘forward’ in there. (but this is something everyone could be better at, so fret not).
You certainly do paint lovely visual imagery, and it’s nice to find someone who actually makes use of a wide vocabulary. Additionally, you don’t use typical phrases, idioms, and clichés, and THAT is truly unique. Major thanks on that front.
Overall, this has the potential to be an excellent fic if you perhaps wrote a prologue to it. Color me impressed.
schedule
June 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
the most beautiful, original imagery I have seen in a very long time. There is more I could go on about the writing descriptive phrases ect, but some how analizing such a piece of artistry seems almost blasphemous. So I will leave it at just that, enjoying it for its rich, concentrated essance- detailed simplicity at its best. Thank you
schedule
June 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I liked it!!!!
schedule
June 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
there is not a question in my mind whether you should continue this or not! of course you should! it's wonderful! the writing is great and its a tasty and tasteful lemon with an intriguing backplot. hello!??!?! there is not a thing that says NOT to continue this!! please update soon!
schedule
June 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very nice. Realistic and everything I'd expect from such a great author. :) Anyway, please make this into a full fledged story, and also update on Amber and Gold soon :)
Andrew
Andrew