schedule
June 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Pleaes continue! More frank than most lemons and enjoyable as well...I'd like to see how Kagome adapts to the new lifestyle and if she and Inuyasha ever get to be together again.
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June 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
that was really good please write more.i really will be disappointed if you dont.
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June 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please update as soon as posible. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!
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June 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
please continue this...i want to hear more about the rest of the 4 weeks kagome spends with "mr. shrine prostitue" pretty please? with sugar and pop and candy on top???
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June 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED IT
PLEAAAAAAAAAAAASE
ONEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI
you have to update this
PLEAAAAAAAAAAAASE
ONEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI
you have to update this
schedule
June 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Are going to continued this fic, aren't you?
Say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
Say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
say yes
schedule
June 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WoW! This story is amazing. I love it! Please, please, please make it into a continuation!
schedule
June 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
The people that have rated you lower than 5 stars clearly didn't read the note in which you said this was a test run at a lemon for you. And in *that* context, it's very good. The biggest spelling thing was your version of 'nite'. Tonite, nite, etc... It's a fairly simple word that all 18+ year olds should know how to spell: "Night". I could understand if it was 'site' and 'sight' because of the web lingo, but for 'night', there is no such excuse unless you are still using a 'nite lite' (and for the record, it's spelled "Light", too).
If this is something you're planning to continue, I have to point out that there are *gaping* plot holes. The last I checked, Buddhism does not consider visiting a brothel as 'worship'. And really, you gave no explanation as to why this *is* the case in your fic. You would need to explain that in a continuation. After all, what is stopping her from just getting a boyfriend if it's necessary for her to have sex? Or do these shrine prostitutes give them some sort of 'holy recharge' when they fornicate? Why is this the *only* job that Inuyasha could get? If he is so disliked by people because he's a hanyou, why would someone pay to have sex with him?
Also, the continued use of the word 'prostitute' was annoying. It was just overdone was all. It's a picky note, but it did detract from the enjoyment factor.
Inuyasha and Kagome both seemed to be in character given your established parameters of the reality in which the fic takes place. Your spelling and grammar were good ('nite' not withstanding) and you have a nice flowing style. The fact that you included the bit about how hookers don't tend to kiss speaks of your attention to detail and the fact that you were trying to be as realistic as possible.
I don't really see you continuing this fic without a major rewrite of the plot. The sex scene was fine, but you didn't exactly set up a background to stand on (again, this is likely because you were testing your lemon skills, so no points lost on that count for now). Whatever you do, DON'T simply write 'chapter 2' and have THAT explain the reality in which your characters live. It'll be tedious, cheesy, and utterly dull for your audience. That's how most good one-shots get butchered. Either rewrite the opening chapter to include a plotline or consider your first attempt at a lemon a smashing success. Your call.
If this is something you're planning to continue, I have to point out that there are *gaping* plot holes. The last I checked, Buddhism does not consider visiting a brothel as 'worship'. And really, you gave no explanation as to why this *is* the case in your fic. You would need to explain that in a continuation. After all, what is stopping her from just getting a boyfriend if it's necessary for her to have sex? Or do these shrine prostitutes give them some sort of 'holy recharge' when they fornicate? Why is this the *only* job that Inuyasha could get? If he is so disliked by people because he's a hanyou, why would someone pay to have sex with him?
Also, the continued use of the word 'prostitute' was annoying. It was just overdone was all. It's a picky note, but it did detract from the enjoyment factor.
Inuyasha and Kagome both seemed to be in character given your established parameters of the reality in which the fic takes place. Your spelling and grammar were good ('nite' not withstanding) and you have a nice flowing style. The fact that you included the bit about how hookers don't tend to kiss speaks of your attention to detail and the fact that you were trying to be as realistic as possible.
I don't really see you continuing this fic without a major rewrite of the plot. The sex scene was fine, but you didn't exactly set up a background to stand on (again, this is likely because you were testing your lemon skills, so no points lost on that count for now). Whatever you do, DON'T simply write 'chapter 2' and have THAT explain the reality in which your characters live. It'll be tedious, cheesy, and utterly dull for your audience. That's how most good one-shots get butchered. Either rewrite the opening chapter to include a plotline or consider your first attempt at a lemon a smashing success. Your call.
schedule
June 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
ONEGAII!!Write more PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
schedule
June 3, 2005 at 12:00 AM
oooooo continue PLEASEE!!!!!!!!! its a good story ^^ pretty pretty please!?