schedule
July 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
im kinda confused. but great story line so far keep up the great work and please update soon!
angst
angst
schedule
June 27, 2005 at 12:00 AM
how long has it been since you wrote
keep writing damit plaese
keep writing damit plaese
schedule
June 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very good so far, keep it up
schedule
May 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This story has a lot of potential, but needs major work to live up to that potential. Please look for a good beta reader, and also get a better spellchecker. The run-on sentences alone were almost enough to make me give up reading this story. I would advise you to read out loud your next chapter beore posting it, and see if the sentences/paragraphs make sense in an objective way. If they don't, then go back and make the changes till they do make sense.
Here is an example from your work as to what I mean:
Finally all the demons were gone and Sango and Kiara ran to find Kagome and Miroku they had found Miroku who finally woke up and he told them that the future queen was kidnapped!!!
Here is how this run-on could have looked like, and made more sense in terms of what you were trying to convey:
Finally all the demons were gone and Sango and Kiara ran to the throne room to find Kagome and Miroku. They had found Miroku, who had finally woken up from being bashed unconscious. Miroku told Sango that the future queen had been kidnapped! (My little clean-up was only a little better, btw. I am no author, and would not presume to be. There are beta readers that could really do a number on my minor clean-up, make it sing.)
I really would like to see a much cleaned up version of what have already written. You have come up with something interesting for a plot so far, but the errors are a major distraction. Please find a good beta to help you with this story. I would like to take another crack at reading this once the errors are fixed.
Here are 2 authors here on affn that I hold in high regard. Go and read a story or 2 from each, and make a note of grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Rachel_W, and Numisma, are both great, and you could learn a lot from their stories. There are a few more great ones, but these two should get you on the right track.
I wish you the best of luck with this story, and will keep an eye out for updates. :)
Here is an example from your work as to what I mean:
Finally all the demons were gone and Sango and Kiara ran to find Kagome and Miroku they had found Miroku who finally woke up and he told them that the future queen was kidnapped!!!
Here is how this run-on could have looked like, and made more sense in terms of what you were trying to convey:
Finally all the demons were gone and Sango and Kiara ran to the throne room to find Kagome and Miroku. They had found Miroku, who had finally woken up from being bashed unconscious. Miroku told Sango that the future queen had been kidnapped! (My little clean-up was only a little better, btw. I am no author, and would not presume to be. There are beta readers that could really do a number on my minor clean-up, make it sing.)
I really would like to see a much cleaned up version of what have already written. You have come up with something interesting for a plot so far, but the errors are a major distraction. Please find a good beta to help you with this story. I would like to take another crack at reading this once the errors are fixed.
Here are 2 authors here on affn that I hold in high regard. Go and read a story or 2 from each, and make a note of grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Rachel_W, and Numisma, are both great, and you could learn a lot from their stories. There are a few more great ones, but these two should get you on the right track.
I wish you the best of luck with this story, and will keep an eye out for updates. :)