rate_review Reviews

Wow! I wasn't going to read it in the beginning but I'm extremely happy I did. Very good story! Update soon

Well, you have the rght idea—in fact, you're quite good—but there is a matter I need to address(there always is, isn't there?). Grinning, "Sure, thanks" walking through the door. O.M.F.G. Do you know how much that HURTS?!?! Where's the VERB, for Christ's sake?! How about, Grinning, I replied, "Sure, thanks," as I walked through the door. * gets up in your face and stares at you* Are you listening to me? * stare* Because it makes me very, very sad when you do that. * stare stare* Ask someone about this. * stare stare STARE* Find a beta. * starts to leave, turns around* Oh—I hope there'll be lots of jealousy(envy? No, wait—damn, I can't remember. Jealousy for now)in the whole Kog-Rin-Sess relationship. Fluffy-sama needs to learn you can't get everything with money...

(READ THE HWOLE THING)"Turned over?" Don't you mean "turned around?" And... Look, here's how a phone conversation goes(God, I hate the girlys shit, but I'm pressedfor time).
"Oh my god, he really said that?"
"Yeah, can you believe it? She was sulking for days."
"Seriously? Didn't her parents do anything about it?"
"No, she locked them out... Shit—speaking of parents, mine just got home. Gotta go."
"Okay, see ya."
"Bye."
Notice the quotes before AND after each persons end of the conversation. It's not:
"Oh my God, he really said that?
Yeah, can you believe it? She was sulking for days.
Seriously? Didn't her parents do anything about it?
No, she locked them out... Shit—speaking of parents, mine just got home. Gotta go.
Okay, see ya.
Bye."
AAAAUGH!!!! Please don't do that to me! Your story is excellent, but the grammar is atrocious! Please... please don't do this to me... * lifts hands in prayer* Lord Jesus... imoto: * smacks DOB* Cut it out, you're an atheist. me: It's for dramatic effect, you idiot! Now you've ruined the moment! imoto: What moment? me: Grr...

(I know, I know, last time it had caps. That's how it is on two of my other fic site-member-name-things.)I like Rin's attitude, but Fluffy's acting up a bit TOO soon, yo? A wee bit too much? lol No, I'm not Irish. I'm barely European.(Damn Pres. Jackson, may he burn in hell for a thousand... CENTURIES... tied to a spinning wheel of flame...)Seriously, Sessh(that's how you make it sound like sesh instead of ses. In case it comes up. Ever.)needs to keep it to himself... though I am all for him not liking Koga for... um... business reason, of course!! Nothing personal. * cough cough*

* grins* I have nothing more to say.

* twitches* Did he just say... "sweetie?" "Sweetheart?" Did he just... caress her knee? Kneel in front of her? God, he's turning into a sentimental ball of fluff!(Deep inside, he's just a big ball of sugary cotton candy just waiting to feed the world! oo Don't EVER repeat that, I swear I'll kill you.)Anyway, I'd just like to say I"m appalled by your manipulation of the characters so early on... and impressed about how you have RIN deal with it. Fluffy should NEVER call ANYONE that. Koi. Lover. Rin(or whoever, tho' I hate Sess/anyone-except-Rin). NOT SWEETIE OR SWEETHEART!!! * fans self* Imoto, fetch me a glass of water.

So sad... demo—Christ, sorry. But Fluffy NEVER screams. In a few fics, when he's really, really pissed at Rin(always Rin, sheesh, poor kid), he will raise his voice. No screaming. I don't think the word shouting actually came in... Maybe yelling. Yeah, in one of them he was yelling. Hm... * thinks* In another there were just a lot of exclaimation points. In the yelling one, yeah, there was a whole sentence in caps, but this was Thread Bound(at ff.net), and honestly, you can't blame that Fluffy. Or, in Captive Bride(which is MUCH better here than att ff.net, hurry for chap 11!)(and WOW, that's a lot of parantheses), he mistakenly thinks she's a money-grubing whore and was out to seduce him. Not like he'd have complained... But she was trying to save her dying mother, and he flips out and tries to prove said mother doesn't exist, and—sorry, getting off topic. You should read it, tho'. I prefer the Fluffy who's a cold, calculating businessman who meets Rin who is NOT some beggar girl off the street and is, in fact, while not necessarily well-off, quite able to take care of herself, thank you. COLD AND CALCULATING. You made him too soft. No offense, not taken, okay, good to go. imoto: Uh... me: * defenestrates imoto* There we go.

Um. Not bad, a few errors... I just really do wish, somehow, you had either—no, wait, never mind, that would ruin half the plot. Okay, the whole plot. Just forget I said anything. Ignore me. imoto: The best piece of advice you'll ever—ow!

Aw, so cute. It's... still odd to have Rin(except in stuff like Sympathy for the Devil)and/or Sessh-san cursing, except maybe the latter saying "damn" or, at most, "bakayarya", tho' that's more of an Inu thing. It's just so weird. Koga, okay, but Inu... I mean, his vocabulary seems to consist mainly of "keh" and various oaths. * laughs* Funny, funny... Just... I'm all for cursing, I honestly don't give a fuck if you want to use it, but for Christ's sake, KEEP THEM IC!!(This is an ff.net term, you may not be familiar with it). Okay, I'm basically done. imoto: Thank go—ow!!

Erm... You're right, it was great when he said "FUCK", but don't make him do it often. It's just not in his nature; he probably KNOWS more curses than Inu, but damned if he's going to use them... Except maybe around Rin. Weird, ne? Also... I got the feeling a while ago you don't really like Kagome. Oh—and as for the OOCness, I have some great semi-OOC fics for you. ... They're all at ff.net, but I hope you can overlook that—you can't hide here forever. Taiyou tou Tsuki(read this before Mononoke no Naka e); Mononoke no Naka e(sequel to Taiyou tou Tsuki); and Thread Bound. All three are very good. Go to ff.net, click anime, click Inuyasha, under the characters button, pick Sesshomaru and Rin(there are two lists), make sure the fics are complete instead of WIP's, make sure they're all T rated, and click Go. Yes, there are plenty of M Sess/Rin's there, but you have to read those three first. They're incredible for experience—you read them and you say, Wow, this person has talent, I want to read more of her fics, she really gets into the characters' minds and emotions. I say she because all three are written by women, tho' not the same women. Well... Never mind. Just read them. imoto: I thought we were ignoring you. me: You were thinking? Careful, hon, don't strain anything.