schedule
May 7, 2017 at 12:00 AM
Write a sequel please.
schedule
April 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
(btw not jared wolven but his girlfriend because he didnt sign off on my laptop and i don't know how lol)
when i read about what had happened to you recently i nearly cried and im soooooo sorry for your losses
and that just makes your writing all the much better. love this story so much and i'm so hooked on every word
keep smiling
alix _ x
when i read about what had happened to you recently i nearly cried and im soooooo sorry for your losses
and that just makes your writing all the much better. love this story so much and i'm so hooked on every word
keep smiling
alix _ x
schedule
March 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
very good story keep up the good work
schedule
November 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i really liked this story, very sorry to hear about your loses while it was written.
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November 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story alot. Can you please write some more chapters?
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November 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I apologise for finding this delightful tale so late. It is just that.... a delightful tale. The characters were a little ooc but... that is why there are creative licenses. Yes? I enjoyed it immencely and hope to read more from you! Bravo!!
schedule
November 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Please write a sequel! It would be awesome!
schedule
October 28, 2007 at 12:00 AM
holy cow. awesome story.
schedule
June 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I know that it has been a long time since you have worked on or probably even looked at this story, but I have just finished reading it and would like to ask you to finish it. It is a wonderful story and it is clear that you have a gift for creating and writing captivating stories. I understand that much has been going on in your life, and for that I am truly sympathetic. However, I would like to ask you to finish this story. If this is not possible for you, then please disregard this and know that I still hold you in the highest regard.
Domo arigato for a fantastic story!
Domo arigato for a fantastic story!
schedule
May 30, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I believe you have a great knack for storytelling. I also believe that you would be wise to take on a beta editor for your future stories, just to work the kinks out.
Small things I noticed were the name Joken which is spelled Jaken, which you had left a note about not knowing the correct way.
And also this part:
He strode to door adjoining their rooms, placing a fine-clawed hand on the knob, turning slowly
If you wished to be cannon in the IY world, sliding screens were all they had at the time in Feudal Japan which starts around 1185 CE in the Kamakura period.
And also the random Author notes in the middle of the chapter are quite distracting. When you’re telling a story, you’re asking your readers to suspend all reality for a bit and fall completely into your story, living in the scenes you set up and watching as the characters progress in their relationships.
The same goes for the flashbacks and the times in where the characters are in different places but you’re telling the string of events in two separate paragraphs.
You never have to say “BEGIN FLASHBACK”
You can start by saying something like, “Sesshoumaru recalled a moment that happened the previous fall….”
Or “Five minutes before…or at the same time, Whatever.”
To keep your readers with you in a fluid line of reading it’s better to go about it like such:
Kagome sobbed into her arms as she curled her body as tight as she could around herself.
Meanwhile, Sesshoumaru changed into something that was more befitting for the remainder of the evening.
It’s just the little tweaks to make a good author, which you most undoubtedly are, into a superb author.
Over all, I enjoyed your story and hope you continue to write a fine tune your craft! I hope to see more works from you in the future.
Small things I noticed were the name Joken which is spelled Jaken, which you had left a note about not knowing the correct way.
And also this part:
He strode to door adjoining their rooms, placing a fine-clawed hand on the knob, turning slowly
If you wished to be cannon in the IY world, sliding screens were all they had at the time in Feudal Japan which starts around 1185 CE in the Kamakura period.
And also the random Author notes in the middle of the chapter are quite distracting. When you’re telling a story, you’re asking your readers to suspend all reality for a bit and fall completely into your story, living in the scenes you set up and watching as the characters progress in their relationships.
The same goes for the flashbacks and the times in where the characters are in different places but you’re telling the string of events in two separate paragraphs.
You never have to say “BEGIN FLASHBACK”
You can start by saying something like, “Sesshoumaru recalled a moment that happened the previous fall….”
Or “Five minutes before…or at the same time, Whatever.”
To keep your readers with you in a fluid line of reading it’s better to go about it like such:
Kagome sobbed into her arms as she curled her body as tight as she could around herself.
Meanwhile, Sesshoumaru changed into something that was more befitting for the remainder of the evening.
It’s just the little tweaks to make a good author, which you most undoubtedly are, into a superb author.
Over all, I enjoyed your story and hope you continue to write a fine tune your craft! I hope to see more works from you in the future.