rate_review Reviews

oh..gods..poor Sesshoumaru!! :((((
i hope he'll have his revange!! update soon!!!!!!!
ja ne

Sad, but well written.

Well... Its a bit sick minded, but you have me hooked, I want to see what happens to poor Sesshomaru.

aww, thats truly tragic... i cant imagine what that must feel like, anyway, keep writing :)

This has got to be like , one of the best fics ive ever read. I love . Could you email me or put something out telling if your going to write another chapter. THANKS ^.^

Well, this is certainly traumatic! I tend to avoid serious rape fic in favor of good, old-fashioned, juicy smut, and I can't say that I can ever read this again. No insult, you're just scarily-talented! When Sesshoumaru started crying, so did I. Poor kid, the whole scene was just gut-wrenching. More than once, I wanted to walk away, but I didn't because I just HAD to know what happened next!

Scary. That's what this is, scary. Poor little kid...makes you wanna hug him and tell him it's gonna be alright, doesn't it? In some ways this is actually worse than the Inutaishou just slamming it into him because he's taking him like a lover. I'd go insane. His pain is palpable.

You know, I was just reviewing another Inutaishou/Sesshoumaru story and have found myself comparing/contrasting it to yours. Normally, I'm definately not a fan of this pairing, being a big Fluffy fan who warmed up to his father significantly after seeing the 3rd movie. However, your story struck me as very original and suprisingly well-written for a yaoi fanfiction, an N/C, incestual, pedophilic story at that. Keep up the good work! And PPPPLLLLEEEEAAASSSEEEEE update! I'm begging you, it just seems so incomplete without the next couple of chapters! Ooh, this is worse than waiting for the next issue of the manga! Can you make it in a week or so, promise?

Some things to consider: do you have a beta-reader? It might help to flesh out the next few chapters and tidy things up. Sentence variety is also a cause for concern, since you have a couple instances of long strings of prepositions and repetitions of "and then he..." Try to use more transition, changing the traditional subject-verb-object order, and switching compound sentences with dependent clauses. You'll be suprised what a difference it will make. Also, your writing style tends to be a bit verbose. Try rearranging the sentence to use the fewest words possible, elminating anything that isn't absolutely necessary and using more descriptive verbs. Avoid passive tense. Please try not to make the Inutaishou's character too flat. The less human you make him, the easier it becomes to accuse you of OCC-ness since his actions contrast so strongly with what's presented in the manga. Make sure he can justify himself in his own head and clarify how he sees himself and his destructive relationship with his son.

niiiice , my kind of story , u should make another like dat one

It's an interesting insight into Sesshoumaru's earlier life, though of course you can't help but feel sorry for him. ^^;

As usual, your descriptions of the world around them are wonderful; I've always loved your imagery. I think you've written a very good young Sessh, one that can easily be seen as in character.