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November 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
YAY! Hurray! it came out! the *th chapter at last! CONGRATZ@!
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November 19, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I am incredibly confused here. First and foremost, it's obvious from your writing and your authors comments that you're intelligent, well read and have a deffinate(sp) opinion on things. I'd also like to point out that I agree with "Inuyasha's" sentiment about Bush. I'm just not able to publicly announce such things due to my position in my community as a caretaker of the VERY young.
But beyond that... Straight to the point: the story is very frenetic. A lot of it seems to wander and meander in odd tengents. The main plot is solid, and I want to make sure you're aware the I LIKE the plot and many of the characterizations. However the narrative and dialouge seem very stream of consciousness. You seem to lose your way on occasion and have a hard time finding your way back. I'm not saying you're a bad writer, or that I'm not going to continue what you write on this story. My intent is to help you. I like the plot. I even kinda like Inuyasha as a mysoginistic man-whore with a deep pain in his past. What I really like is that his demon side ackowledges her as his mate before his heart can get adjusted to it.
I honestly am looking forward to more of your story... I'm just a little exhausted by the pacing and... wow, that's a picture of two men about to kiss in that banner... Sorry, distracted. Anyway, I like the story, but the stream of conscinenceness stlye kinda gets to me. I just feel that the style doesn't lend itself well to the plot. Both the dialogue and narrative seem to be jumping all over the place, like there is a LOT you want to say but can't find a way to say it other than to just blurt it out. It often feels rushed and hurried. I'm sure you take days and days to write each chapter but they still feel unpolished. And I know it's just fanfiction, but... it stills feels rough.
Got to admit, though, I like the dynamic between Kagome and Inuyasha. I'm not usually fond of him being a playboy and using women, but you seem to have added another layer to him with the Kikyou thing. I'm seriously wondering about something... When Kagome asked his what she'd have to do to get him to accept that she doesn't belong to him, he told her she'd have to sleep with him. Well, technically, she just did. :-) How is that going to affect their wonderful, if volitile, dynamic?
I hope you can update soon and I hope you're not offended by my comments! They were meant as constructive criticisim and should be taken as such! Good luck on the next chapter and have fun!
But beyond that... Straight to the point: the story is very frenetic. A lot of it seems to wander and meander in odd tengents. The main plot is solid, and I want to make sure you're aware the I LIKE the plot and many of the characterizations. However the narrative and dialouge seem very stream of consciousness. You seem to lose your way on occasion and have a hard time finding your way back. I'm not saying you're a bad writer, or that I'm not going to continue what you write on this story. My intent is to help you. I like the plot. I even kinda like Inuyasha as a mysoginistic man-whore with a deep pain in his past. What I really like is that his demon side ackowledges her as his mate before his heart can get adjusted to it.
I honestly am looking forward to more of your story... I'm just a little exhausted by the pacing and... wow, that's a picture of two men about to kiss in that banner... Sorry, distracted. Anyway, I like the story, but the stream of conscinenceness stlye kinda gets to me. I just feel that the style doesn't lend itself well to the plot. Both the dialogue and narrative seem to be jumping all over the place, like there is a LOT you want to say but can't find a way to say it other than to just blurt it out. It often feels rushed and hurried. I'm sure you take days and days to write each chapter but they still feel unpolished. And I know it's just fanfiction, but... it stills feels rough.
Got to admit, though, I like the dynamic between Kagome and Inuyasha. I'm not usually fond of him being a playboy and using women, but you seem to have added another layer to him with the Kikyou thing. I'm seriously wondering about something... When Kagome asked his what she'd have to do to get him to accept that she doesn't belong to him, he told her she'd have to sleep with him. Well, technically, she just did. :-) How is that going to affect their wonderful, if volitile, dynamic?
I hope you can update soon and I hope you're not offended by my comments! They were meant as constructive criticisim and should be taken as such! Good luck on the next chapter and have fun!
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October 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
like it. more please
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October 6, 2006 at 12:00 AM
OK I love the way the story is now, but I still don't like the fact that Inuyasha might have gone to go sleeping around again. He should really stop that and jus settle for Kagome! He did jus ask her to stay with him and all, so why not? Can't she jus stay with him and make he stop sleeping around? Maybe he should put all his body and soul into trying to get Kagome to stay with him forever. And by the looks and sounds of things, his youkai is really into Kagome.
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October 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
squee! an update! well, i, for one, loved the ending. oh the fluff *dies amidst more squealing* just what i needed after a night of reading hard core yaoi smut. moohaha. anyway, the description at the end was just hot *swoons at the thought of inuyasha's biceps* chapter nine, chapter nine! *dances*
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October 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really like your story. You have a way with dialogue that is extremely entertaining. I do have a little question though. Um, what color are Kagome's eyes in your story? Are they changing colors? One minute they're brown, the next blue and sometime blue-grey? It's not criticism, I was just honestly confused. Felt like she belonged in Underworld. (If you understood that reference I shall adore you more than I already do) Anyway, love your stuff and I can't wait to see what happens next!!
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October 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i luvd it good way so far plz update soon!!!!!!!
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October 2, 2006 at 12:00 AM
i like this chappie! ^_^ but i jsut hope you dont take as long as it took to post this 1 O_O
im impatient, lol.
im impatient, lol.
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August 5, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I think your story is absolutly amazing!! Everytime I come to this site I check to see if you updated! i cant get enough!! Please update soon!! I'm DYING to read more!!
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July 15, 2006 at 12:00 AM
oh i love this story, there is something so alluring about a naughty inuyasha. Keep up the good work i look forward to more chapters :)