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December 31, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hey, read your story. Sounds good so far, I like the idea and enjoy your version of Kagome. It's true she wasn't as put together in the beginning as she is now. Heh, like how you snuck Sesshoumaru in there.
There was a bit of a confusing part in the second chapter where Miroku compares "Kagamiko" to Princess Kagome. She blushes at compliment way after the compliment happens. I think you might want to think of changing that around a bit. Also, a bit more description of setting and people would be helpful. Sure we know the characters, but you are colouring them as yours so you should describe them how you see them. We meet Inuyasha, but the only way we know that is because of what he says. We're seeing this from Kagomes veiw, so we should be seeing Inuyasha when she does and how she does, otherwise it feels like there is a giant blind spot over him.
Keep up the good work and I hope my constructive criticism helps!!
There was a bit of a confusing part in the second chapter where Miroku compares "Kagamiko" to Princess Kagome. She blushes at compliment way after the compliment happens. I think you might want to think of changing that around a bit. Also, a bit more description of setting and people would be helpful. Sure we know the characters, but you are colouring them as yours so you should describe them how you see them. We meet Inuyasha, but the only way we know that is because of what he says. We're seeing this from Kagomes veiw, so we should be seeing Inuyasha when she does and how she does, otherwise it feels like there is a giant blind spot over him.
Keep up the good work and I hope my constructive criticism helps!!
schedule
October 17, 2004 at 12:00 AM
This story was great. I hope that i can read more very soon!!!!!!!!!
schedule
October 16, 2004 at 12:00 AM
I can only assume who the Rider is, good start. Waiting for an update.