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August 28, 2006 at 12:00 AM
ok sorry i should know this but i don't what a flame is please tell me and if this
is a flame i'm so sorry ok so did kagome's friends hear or see anything
PLEASE ADD MORE It's very interesting
is a flame i'm so sorry ok so did kagome's friends hear or see anything
PLEASE ADD MORE It's very interesting
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August 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
sorry it's me again did the girls hear anything
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August 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
that was so awesome please continue to make fanfiction at aff
^-^
THANKS
^-^
THANKS
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August 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
SORRY UMM PLEASE ADD MORE TO INUYAHSA'S TERRIBLE SLEEPOVER
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August 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Well, I hate to be the barer of bad news but:
If you were aiming for a actual story... you were lacking in description, plot, character development, had loose ends and it went way to fast
If you were aiming for a PWP... still lacking in description, sex seen way to fast and short, you ghe Whe WP part (without plot) but failed in writing a sex seen worthy of even your lack of proper build up.
Read through others writing to get a better idea, and slow down. feltfelt rushed at the end, even if u are excited while you are writing get what you can down and then come back to it after a bit and add the details that your mind had issues adding during the moment... weather a sex seen or action. Try and expliote emotions more than saying 'this person when here, than later they went there and did this.' Where does Kagome feel her emotions? Does anger boil up from the depths of her soul or decend like a cold winter storm raging in her eyes. Try and find a poetic flow to your words and break up some of ur paragraphs.
Keep writing, I hope you read your improving works as you get better.
If you were aiming for a actual story... you were lacking in description, plot, character development, had loose ends and it went way to fast
If you were aiming for a PWP... still lacking in description, sex seen way to fast and short, you ghe Whe WP part (without plot) but failed in writing a sex seen worthy of even your lack of proper build up.
Read through others writing to get a better idea, and slow down. feltfelt rushed at the end, even if u are excited while you are writing get what you can down and then come back to it after a bit and add the details that your mind had issues adding during the moment... weather a sex seen or action. Try and expliote emotions more than saying 'this person when here, than later they went there and did this.' Where does Kagome feel her emotions? Does anger boil up from the depths of her soul or decend like a cold winter storm raging in her eyes. Try and find a poetic flow to your words and break up some of ur paragraphs.
Keep writing, I hope you read your improving works as you get better.
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August 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
this igoodgood fanfic please update soon
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August 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
it's ok what happen next.
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August 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
what happened to the other girls?? and they didnt hear any of this...? great lemon but still...it perplexes me
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August 26, 2004 at 12:00 AM
ehh... i'm not much of a fan of PWPs... but i guess it was okay... i don't like the format of this story though... and they were ooc... it seems alrite, but it just seems like you rushed through your story... no offense. i was just hoping for some WAFF is all... i mean he wouldn't normally just jump in the sac... he's the type that thinks everythin through first... and spelling errors. sorries, i guess this is sorta a flame, but i'm just saying... SPELL CHECK!!! or get a beta to look it over for ya! this story has potential... but lacks experience... all in all, i'd give it 3 stars. g'luck wt ur future stuff.
-Konneko-
=^_^=
-Konneko-
=^_^=
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August 25, 2004 at 12:00 AM
::looks at your f Hmm HmmYou'You're going to need help in this. It was a good idea but you need to remember two things one editing is your friend...
Inu-Yasha: Wasn't that a bit harsh?
<.<;; Ok let me refrase I understand that you must have edited this in some way, if you didn't then try to profread your story before putting it on aff or people wont get it and will either not bother reading it or just read it for amusement. Second is you can't rush into things, I know it's so much easier but it makes it so obvious that you've never been laid in your life, much less into the porno world. Which isn't a bad thing but you need to understand something. People are REALLY tired after having their first orgasm, they don't just kick over like a car.
Inu-Yasha: You're becoming harsh with your words once more...
::sighs:: I do have to admit it was a great idea, though it's been done many times you brought your own little twist to it. It was good but please don't use the word cunt unless you really hate women, cause saying the word cunt is just showing your disrespectufulness to them. Also my big question is, where did they start the Truth or Sare session because one Kagome's mum would not be happy, believe me I know some of the nicest moms that can turn into the meanest bitches :P. Cause from what I read it seemed as though they were still in the living room, and Mrs. Higurashi is going to walk into a very unpleasant surprise in the morning. Believe me girls are a little mroe discreate about these things, infact there are some women in the world that actually are slightly affraid of their first night since it is supposed to hurt and there's the whole thing about getting pregnante.... Which reminds me of a rather humerous doujin XD Kagome gets pissed off at Inu-Yasha cause he cums inside her, she didn't want him to so she bitches at him about it XD.
Inu-Yasha: You're getting off tract you perverted little add bastard!
<.< Kagome?
Kagome: ::sighs:: SIT!
Inu-Yasha: ::curses::
Anyway ^_^if you'd like ANY help at all with editing your stories in any form at all just talk to me on AIM my sn is trom kehra if you're wondering what it means it's D'ni from the game Myst it means "Brave Wing." Well I hope I helped a little at least ^^;. I'm not trying to flame just giving advice you know. If you were getting flamed you'd know it. Believe me I've gotten worse forms of advice in real life -.-;;.
Inu-Yasha: Wasn't that a bit harsh?
<.<;; Ok let me refrase I understand that you must have edited this in some way, if you didn't then try to profread your story before putting it on aff or people wont get it and will either not bother reading it or just read it for amusement. Second is you can't rush into things, I know it's so much easier but it makes it so obvious that you've never been laid in your life, much less into the porno world. Which isn't a bad thing but you need to understand something. People are REALLY tired after having their first orgasm, they don't just kick over like a car.
Inu-Yasha: You're becoming harsh with your words once more...
::sighs:: I do have to admit it was a great idea, though it's been done many times you brought your own little twist to it. It was good but please don't use the word cunt unless you really hate women, cause saying the word cunt is just showing your disrespectufulness to them. Also my big question is, where did they start the Truth or Sare session because one Kagome's mum would not be happy, believe me I know some of the nicest moms that can turn into the meanest bitches :P. Cause from what I read it seemed as though they were still in the living room, and Mrs. Higurashi is going to walk into a very unpleasant surprise in the morning. Believe me girls are a little mroe discreate about these things, infact there are some women in the world that actually are slightly affraid of their first night since it is supposed to hurt and there's the whole thing about getting pregnante.... Which reminds me of a rather humerous doujin XD Kagome gets pissed off at Inu-Yasha cause he cums inside her, she didn't want him to so she bitches at him about it XD.
Inu-Yasha: You're getting off tract you perverted little add bastard!
<.< Kagome?
Kagome: ::sighs:: SIT!
Inu-Yasha: ::curses::
Anyway ^_^if you'd like ANY help at all with editing your stories in any form at all just talk to me on AIM my sn is trom kehra if you're wondering what it means it's D'ni from the game Myst it means "Brave Wing." Well I hope I helped a little at least ^^;. I'm not trying to flame just giving advice you know. If you were getting flamed you'd know it. Believe me I've gotten worse forms of advice in real life -.-;;.