errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
September 3, 2004 at 12:00 AM
OMFG!!!!!
That was so wrong!!! when you said lemon, i htought you meant sex! not some horrible horrible depraved sick fantasy! it wasn't even fatasy, more like a vivid description of eternal damnation in hell, without the hellfire! in my fan fic i kept it real, real hot, real sexy, and without that marking shit. this...this was just indescribably horrible, graphic, obsene, and totally not something i could possibly enjoy in any way whatsoever.
PS, you write really well. you should apply that to non graphic horrible deprived torture sex chapters.
OMG!!!!
....I think i have to go pray now...
That was so wrong!!! when you said lemon, i htought you meant sex! not some horrible horrible depraved sick fantasy! it wasn't even fatasy, more like a vivid description of eternal damnation in hell, without the hellfire! in my fan fic i kept it real, real hot, real sexy, and without that marking shit. this...this was just indescribably horrible, graphic, obsene, and totally not something i could possibly enjoy in any way whatsoever.
PS, you write really well. you should apply that to non graphic horrible deprived torture sex chapters.
OMG!!!!
....I think i have to go pray now...
schedule
September 2, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Very impressive. Great descriptives, particularly with the emotions. Interesting and very plausible concept. Excellent work. You should defiantly continue.
schedule
August 28, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Very nice. While some words I thought could have been better chosen, you have a way with words that creates a vivid atmosphere shows ones emotions and feelings, more specifically fears, better than anyone i've ever read. Like that moment when Naraku called Kikyo to him before he went all evil on her... amazing. You don't feel like the reader. You become K, wa, walking slowly up to Naraku, dreading what will come. I can't convey how well cause this effect of atmosphere and emotion. Your ability to show the the emotions inside the characters' heads like that is clearly your strongest point. All the other parts... it was all very good. It was clearly well thought out, like with the foreshadowing and stuff.
The japanese usage was good too. In some fanfics ive read, it seems like the author pulls up the dictionary and looks for random words no normal fanfic reader (no matter how avid) should know. One fanfic that I read had different japanese words for outer\inner battlements, the gatehouse, the watch tower.. no one freaking cares about those. All the japanese words you used your fairly basic, useful words that are good to know, and you even made complete statements.
A lot of stuff is written between the lines too, very nice. Like Kagura's nickname for Kikyo, little bird... very nice.
oh and that stuff about the emotions in their head and all, and really making the reader feel their fears... im not just being nice. its freaking awesome!
The japanese usage was good too. In some fanfics ive read, it seems like the author pulls up the dictionary and looks for random words no normal fanfic reader (no matter how avid) should know. One fanfic that I read had different japanese words for outer\inner battlements, the gatehouse, the watch tower.. no one freaking cares about those. All the japanese words you used your fairly basic, useful words that are good to know, and you even made complete statements.
A lot of stuff is written between the lines too, very nice. Like Kagura's nickname for Kikyo, little bird... very nice.
oh and that stuff about the emotions in their head and all, and really making the reader feel their fears... im not just being nice. its freaking awesome!