rate_review Reviews

Decent story, but you may want to find somebody to edit for you. There were many errors that could be easily fixed that would make the story a bit better. :)

Well, to be honest, it isn't all that great. You'd need to put more in the fic before I decide if it is worth adding to my mental notes list on good fics. Lets see now. we don't know how Inuyasha got the idea that Kagome loves Kouga. When in your fic did she ever imply or say that? see, no idea what your fic is really about. sorry, but it isn't very reviewable, as most people review to what they like. I reviewed because you were pleading, instead of just updating like a person that likes their own fics would. your such a babt, please, begging for reviews. haha.

Things to make your story better:::

learn to use spellcheck...
find a plotline that hasn't been done.. and overdone
add more description to your story.. for example there was the line ::

"turnturned to see Sango standing with her clothing."

It's a hideously boring line. There is so much more than could be going on right there, cept you're not telling us what it is. Why is Sango holding her clothing?? Why isn't o ruo rushing to kick some hentai ass, and protecting Kagome? Sango's just standing there?? Why? Is she in shock? She's seen Kagome naked before, she's hit Kouga before, she watches Inuyasha jump out from trees all the time. So why is she just standing there? She's not ticatically trying to make Kagome put on clothes? She's not glaring? Does she just not have any actual emotions or physical attributes at that moment in time?

And it's not just that line, it's most of them.

No wait, I lie... it's all of them.